The Search
A figure hopped down from the truck onto the hot desert sand. It burned through the soles of her boots. A stubby, gnarled cheroot was clamped tightly between her teeth. She scanned the landscape, her eyes shaded by a fedora pulled low on her forehead. Then she spat the twig of tobacco onto the burning sand and turned to offer her hand to the statuesque beauty who stepped down to join her.
The tall woman's high heels twisted crazily in the shifting surface. "I told you you should change your shoes."
The woman tried to balance, hand on her companion's shoulder. "Well, Ah'm sorry," she drawled in her soft southern accent, "But Ah was raised to be a lady and you're not going to get me to wear shoes like...those," she said disdainfully, pointing at the younger woman's feet.
The quirky little upturn at the corner of the shorter woman's mouth displayed her amusement. "For someone who was a warrior princess in a past life you are--such a...girl."
"Thank you. Ah take that as a compliment."
"Hey, I wouldn't have it any other way."
"Stop leering."
"I'm not."
"I know it when I see it."
"Yeah, I guess you would."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're effing gorgeous. And you know it." Jan watched, smiling broadly now as Mel's face burned bright with the sudden flush of hot blood. "Cat got your tongue?"
"I sway-ah you take a perverse kinda pleasure in making me feel uncomfortable."
"Not too uncomfortable I hope." She snaked a sinewy arm round Mel's waist.
The tall woman drew herself even more erect with rectitude as she said, "You're all bluff. And you know it."
Grinning, Jan removed her support. "Have it your way."
Mel struggled to keep her balance. She teetered one way, then another, grasped at the air and then, very unceremoniously, gave into gravity and sat heavily on the sand. Jan stifled a hearty laugh while extending a hand to help her up. The tall woman kicked off her shoes, but hopped painfully until Jan bent over and said, "Climb on."
They made quite a gangly sight, if indeed any stray camel or son of the desert had been there to witness, as Jan piggybacked Mel across the hot sands. "Just around this dune...ah, here we are," Jan straightened and dumped her friend at the edge of a beautiful little oasis. The young woman undid her belt, stepped out of her trousers, drew off her shirt and boots and lastly removed the battered felt hat. A feminizing length of golden hair brushed her shoulders. Her clothes were strewn in a more or less straight beeline. She'd never stopped moving toward the water, back to Mel, and now she dove into a sizable spring.
Mel, still pouting, sat her ground. "Come on in. You'll love it. Here, I'll be a gentleman. I'll turn my back." In a few minutes she heard a slight splash behind her and turned to see the dark-haired beauty shyly demure in her natural state. Jan was almost surprised by the fleeting emotional response. She didn't have a vulnerable bone in her body.
Or so she'd thought.
Usually, sex was just something to get out of the way in a hurry so she could go on and concentrate on the truly important things. Usually, it was something she took care of on her own. At night in her tent, before falling asleep. She always slept like a log. But since she'd met this woman... More than a few nights recently she'd lain awake and listened to the measured breathing of the woman who lay beside her in the dark. What was it? This thing she was feeling. It couldn't be what foolish Romanticists called falling in love. That didn't exist. Not really. Of that she was quite sure. She'd never felt it before. Therefore it wasn't real. Something people made up to make themselves feel better and more secure about the merely animal side of their nature. Whenever she'd seen someone in the past and she'd been attracted she went after it. If rebuffed she shrugged and, c'est la vie, went elsewhere. Pleasure was fine, but you couldn't let it rule your life. Occasionally she'd visit a certain houri at a little brothel in Cairo who catered to varied tastes and who knew just what she liked.
She thought of that now as she met Mel's sky blue eyes. The frank method and approach were best. That's what she'd always thought anyway. Why should she change now? "I'm assuming you're no virgin. But I doubt you've done this before. Am I right?" Jan's hand trailed lazy fingers up her back.
Mel's throat constricted as she tried to swallow, "You mean...I mean...the Greek fashion of...women...of two women. Like... Sappho..."
"Ah, you've read her I'm sure. At least what fragments the misogynist patriarchal bastards didn't destroy. The Bard of Mitylene, of... Lesbos. A place you've never thought to travel?"
"I..." Mel treaded water nervously.
"Honey child," Jan cooed in gentle imitation, "I'm not going to be able to travel with you, sleep by your side every night without desiring to--"
"But...I don't know what to do...I mean--are you sure?! You want me?" the woman blurted. "I'd have thought you'd want someone more...experienced."
Well, that had always been true. And when she couldn't find it--those brittle English women archeologists and camp-followers, the American girls, slim and willowy, looking for a summer adventure on leave from the Seven Sisters--she'd paid for it.
Jan had never taken the time to break someone in, to teach them the ropes. She smiled wickedly at the analogies, but silently chided herself for a frivolous attitude in this. She didn't want to be frivolous with this woman. Not this woman. There was something about her, something too... profound to be treated lightly, or as a mere conquest. Something which had been hinted at in the Xena Scrolls. That glimpse into a distant past which seemed to connect their spirits. Perhaps she was finally gaining some insight and maturity as her father had always promised she would.
"Look, Mel, I won't pressure you. I won't even bring it up again. OK? I'd rather keep you as a friend...than lose you as a lover. That's more important to me." She couldn't believe she was saying it. Not with this exquisite creature naked beside her in the warm caress of water. She wanted to bite her lying tongue. But was it? Oh, look at her. She's so... SO. Her fingers twitched, she ached to touch her. NO, she really could control herself. This was important to her. This dark woman was important to her. What must be going on in her mind and psyche? 'What inner turmoil and conflict have I created with my foolish, ham-fisted, inelegant, tactless...'
Mel moved closer and thrillingly, throatily murmured, "Show me."
***
Both were trembling at the first kiss. Jan was astounded by the emotionalism she was experiencing. Oh, this wouldn't do at all. She'd be forced to revise all her long-held theories of women and need and lust and...the thing called love. What was it? Was it this? Could it really exist afterall? Quite a discovery, Professor. Possibly the greatest you'll ever make.
Their breasts floated like lotus blossoms and the pebble-hard nipples tickled and excited, provoking that wonderful rush of the senses, taking over. The feeling of falling as the womb flutters and contracts, the heated wetness between the thighs. Jan touched her there and Mel shivered. Not from any chill. But she drew away.
"I can't. I can't. It's too much." The tall woman struggled from the lotus pond and went to sit on a flat rock smoothed by a century's worth of such use. Leaning against a date palm she clasped her knees and looked for all the world like some otherworldly mermaid or naid left bereft and sorrowful by a lonely silent pool.
Jan clenched her jaw and floated on her back. Never again. 'Never will I allow myself to get that...way again.' Ever. She was determined.
***
The young blonde woman pitched the tent by that palm as her companion made dinner. Neither said a word. But ate in silence. Jan retired as the evening star brightened in a deep velvet sky. She'll probably go and sleep in the truck, Jan thought, but soon the tent flap parted and Mel came in and began to undress. Jan wanted to look away but had to watch the shadow play as her lithe form was silhouetted against the pale canvas, back-lit by a fully risen moon.
Jan took a deep shuddery breath, shifted gingerly onto her side. The moonlight through the tent flap bathed them both in its pale lunar splendor. Not even when she'd uncovered the golden mask of Mist-ar-kan had she ever seen anything so lovely--or wanted more to touch.
She lay down beside Jan who began to roll over, turning her back on Mel. But the other woman caught her bare arm, surprisingly strong.
Jan exhaled forcefully, studied the hand grasping her, "You ask an awful lot, lady."
"I just..."
"You...just... You want to play? At what? You want to start me up again so you can back away like a frightened little girl? I won't tolerate games. I'd rather end this... partnership right here and now--"
"Shut up. Listen. For once. I...I'm sorry. Forgive the misunderstanding--"
"That's what you call it?! Oh, that's very good. You'll be the heartbreaker they'll all love to be teased and tortured by. Well, not me. Now get some sleep. We have work to do tomorrow."
*******
She had the dream again. The one where she was standing on the edge of a precipice afraid to look down. A warm hand on her arm offered salvation, which turned into a gentle shake.
"Jan...wake up. You're dreaming again."
"Sorry. Troubled mind...conscience, I guess. I mean...I'm sorry about what I said. It's what I said before that I really mean. I value your friendship more than anything. I...just get a little carried away sometimes. You're just too damn beautiful to ignore, you know. I'm not made of stone."
"I know. I'm sorry...I over-reacted. Let's just try to get some sleep. And, Jan...no harm done, all right?" She lay back knowing sleep would elude her for certain now. She sighed and put her hands behind her head. "Jan?"
"Hmm?"
"Gabrielle and Xena...you think they were lovers, don't you?"
Jan rolled over onto her stomach and propped her chin on crossed hands. "Yes. But don't let that influence you." She knew Mel could see her Cheshire cat grin in the moonlight. "You are the master of your fate. To paraphrase. Get some sleep."
******
Jan relaxed into the hot bath with a sigh, self-satisfied and well deserved. She staked out the dig today and the site looked very, very promising. She couldn't wait to get her hands dirty, to dig into the mother earth with a passion she reserved for few other women... 'Stop it,' she chided herself. She could hear Mel fussing about in the other room. They were sharing kip together, cheaper--cozier. Oh, Jan, don't start down that path. You remember what happened the last time. Resolved, you shall not let it get to you--let her get to you. You can live without it. And have.
Think about something else. Xena...and Gabrielle. Well, that leads you right back down the same road. The Xena Scrolls had made it pretty damn evident what the nature of their relationship had been. At times the Bard waxed so eloquent and poetic about her muse that it seemed almost indecent to be eavesdropping on such intimate emotion. It still kept its vibrancy, even in translation, after all these centuries. What a grande passione that must've been. Rivals the ages. Transcends time and space. How nice it would've been if, when Mel was possessed by the spirit of Xena...she could've played Gabrielle to that fiery amazon.
She sighed again. No, that wouldn't do. She could never allow herself to be... vulnerable...not with anyone. Especially not with...her. Not again. That was how you got hurt...and she was determined never to let that happen again. Anyway, she liked her tough guy image, equal parts Bogie and Coop, Gable and Duke. She'd cultivated it carefuly. It was part of who she was now. Good offense, best defense. No one would mess with her. If they knew what was good for 'em.
"How long do you think you'll be?" Mel's sweet southern accented voice lilted in on a warm breeze from the open balcony.
She reached for the soap, "You're welcome to join me."
No response. Then, "I can wait."
"So can I," Jan shot back, good-naturedly. By the gods, that woman made her smile. They'd eased into such a natural comraderie. You could almost believe in some kind of...destiny. And meant to be. She heard Mel tuning the radio. "Oh...just perfect."
It was Dietrich, and she'd heard some bawdy stories about her, and the company she kept; she too, it seemed, liked the ladies. "Marlene's sewing circle." That deep throaty shameless hussy caress sang, "Falling in love again, never wanted to, don't know what to do, can't help it."
"Oh, shut up," Jan murmured and submerged her head in the bathwater.
When she emerged from the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel she smiled to find her fresh blouse and trousers, and her etc.s laid out nicely, neatly on the bed. Mel was nowhere to be seen. But Jan knew as sure as she got all spiffed up and made her way downstairs, the proper Miss Pappas would have a lovely luncheon waiting for her. Hmmm, Jan thought, I always wanted a wife.
She added a khaki tie to her ensemble, ran her hand over the brim of her fedora and winked at her own reflection in the mirror. She thought Mel could do a lot worse. That idiot Jack, for instance.
*******
She was right. More brunchy, than lunchy though. Eggs Benedict. Oh, yes, this was going to be a working partnership. And thank the gods she found the one moderately priced accommodation with a french chef.
"Thought you wanted to use the bath?"
Mel looked fresh as ever. "I made other....arrangements."
"Oh?" Jan ticked an inquisitive eyebrow.
"Take off your hat. Didn't your mama teach you better than that?"
"No, actually, she didn't."
"Sorry. I didn't mean--"
"Don't change the subject."
"I don't really see where it's any of your business," Melinda's lovely features colored slightly.
"Oh....that's how it is."
"You may not think so, but he really is a gentleman."
"Unlike some of us," Jan muttered. They finished their meal in silence.
"You coming to the consulate with me this afternoon?" Jan asked.
"If you need me."
"I'd say that goes without saying--I mean... you can ply the old bugger with your southern charm while I get the dig extended indefinitely."
"I do have other talents, you know. I should resent that you...use me like that."
"And I thought I was being complimentary."
"I'm sure you did. And that's not necessarily one of your charms." Mel excused herself and retreated from the table.
Jan sat back and rolled her eyes. Sighing, she glanced down at her rough hands, "No social graces." And Melinda was all grace. Soft and warm and...luscious. She'd have no chance in hell of getting close to a woman like that. How could she even entertain the fantasy?
"So, kid, how's it hangin'?"
"Go to hell, Jack." The bastard must not have seen the willowy beauty exit the room or, surely, he'd be in hot pursuit. He sprawled into the vacated chair. Hard to believe she'd prefer this...simian. Just because he had that...little something extra. "And I might ask you the same question."
"Can't complain." He grinned like a braying jackass and rocked back in his seat. Jan took the opportunity, which she couldn't very well resist, to topple him with one slight tip of her boot. When the gods provide these little justices one should always be ready to take the advantage. She scooped her hat from the table and took off, hoping to catch up with Mel.
As she left the small hotel cafe she could hear him scrambling to extricate his lanky frame from the tangle of both chair and table. It made her laugh, and so she decided she was in a good mood afterall. Now where was that sultry bitch... "Mel," she raced on her shorter legs to catch up. "Wait," Jan was on her beautiful tail and breathless, "how can you move so fast in those things?" Mel was certainly statuesque as it was, but in high heels...imposing almost. Of Olympian proportions. A goddess. "Alright! I'm sorry, okay?" The tall woman slowed her gait. "I shall attempt," a deep gasping breath, "to control my...." ah, oxygen..."heathenish... behavior...okay....forgive me? Will milady be amenable to that?"
"Darlin', you really don't have to change to please little old me. I...hate to admit it, but I kinda like you...the way you are."
Jan brightened at the sound of herself referred to as 'darlin'.' That was tasty. She'd be on her best behavior for more delicious little tidbits like that.
"You were right. But, you should know I don't take you for granted. I'm just a tactless bull-headed philistine. Maybe you'll have a civilizing influence on me yet, huh?" They stood there smiling at each other and Jan felt it again. It was as if the earth tilted on its axis, akimbo, spinning more slowly than before and it almost made her dizzy. Deja vu. That was the feeling. She didn't dare ask Mel if she felt it too. She'd be disappointed if her friend said no.
********
The Istari Museum was across the street from the embassy and the two women whiled the time before their appointment by echoing down the long high halls, deserted by all but one or two lone tourists, probaby on lay-over. It was a small, but choice collection.
Mel's lapis eyes glowed when Jan pointed out an ancient inscription on an alabaster vase. "As they were in life, so too in death, their ashes commingle."
"I guess we have a natural affinity for antiquities. Have you...ever felt that... connection again...to her...to the past...to Xena?" she said the name in a hushed tone as if someone either in this world or the next would overhear her.
Mel stood erect and took off her glasses, a stunning effect to anyone who thought they lent a secretarial air. "I don't know. Sometimes...I think...something will remind me...of something else and I'll feel it prickle along my arms, but I can't quite place it...a feeling, or scent or taste...or just the way you look at me...when you think I'm not looking, the tone in your voice when you're at ease and unguarded..."
Jan swallowed, mesmerized. Then Mel HAD felt it, the same sort of momentary whirl- a-tilt had spun her about, which she associated with the french term. Were they merely descendents of these women, or something more? That still wouldn't negate the possibility of actual...incarnation. The scrolls hinted at just such a deeper connection...to the infinite...between their souls...if they shared in this...journey...she and Mel....
"Oh, my," was all she could manage at the moment, "you're beautiful when you're... musing."
Mel smiled, not embarrassed this time. "Why, thank you, Jan, you can be charming ...when you want to."
"Do my best. If it will make you smile like that."
Mel did blush at that, but diverted her gaze and put her glasses back on. "Shall we?"
She held out her hand and the sapphire of her eyes pierced Jan's clear through to her soul. The earth shifted again. She didn't move for a moment, or couldn't, she wasn't quite sure--how long had Mel been standing beckoning like some guiding angel? And then her heart resumed beating, she was sure of it, she could hear it throbbing in her ears like distant thunder.
"What?"she rasped, mouth dry.
"It's almost four. We should be going."
"Oh...yes, of course. After you. Wonder if we'll get high tea for our trouble."
"Oh...I rather think they'll see you AS trouble."
Jan laughed. "Hope so."
They made an intriguing twosome as they crossed the street. The late afternoon sun made Jan's already amber skin and the short golden ponytail that trailed from under her fedora glow with a brilliant sheen that would've caused someone to take note even if she hadn't been walking beside the tall dark beauty. And when Mel chose to reach over and link arms with her Jan could've climaxed right there in the middle of the street.
"Something wrong?" Mel asked with genuine concern.
"No...why?"
"Well...you're grinning like the Cheshire cat but you just shivered like you're coming down with something, sweetie."
'Yeah,' Jan thought, 'you don't know the half of it, sweetie.' "Touch of the sun," she said aloud. "Mad dogs and Englishmen...you know."
"You're crazy like a fox and english in name only."
"I've never felt better in my life," she squeezed Mel's arm against her ribcage, "truly."
*******
She had been on her best behavior, only lost her temper once at his feigned, she was sure, indifference in the matter of antiquities of such historical and scientific significance. Her hat still bore the mark of a maddened crumple, or two and, of course, Mel had played her role perfectly as was only to be expected, keeping her head and rectifying any major faux pas on Jan's part. She would get the extension. She owed Mel. Big time.
"You still talking to me?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Mel watched the sunset from the taxi window. "Just because you were right?"
"Teamwork. Strengths and weaknesses."
"Just so." Mel patted her hand.
"Driver. Chez Morocco. I'm buying you dinner."
*******
They walked back to their hotel. It got chilly after dark and Jan unbuttoned and rolled her sleeves down. She took a deep breath of evening. "Ishtar. Isis. Astarte. She rises in the east. Brighter than the moon." Venus was shining dominant in the evening sky.
"What brought that on?" Mel asked in shocked and somewhat amused surprise.
"Indulging in a bit of florid poesy. What? You don't think I have it in me?"
"Wonders, they never cease. And just when you least expect them."
"I think we may be on to another major discovery here."
"Oh?" One dark eyebrow lifted heavenward.
"I feel as if something...momentous is about to occur. Just over the next rise, you know." Jan's eyes were alight, she spoke excitedly, gesticulating with her hands.
Mel stopped, stood looking at her friend. "We are talking about the dig?"
"Sure...what else?"
"Just checking," she started walking again.
*******
The Dig
"Darlin', do you think you could get your beautiful ass down here and help me with this?"
Melinda Pappas hiked up her tailored tweed skirt and gingerly made her way into the dig. Jan was lying on her back in a precarious position attempting to make a rubbing from a low overhang.
"What do you need?"
Janice Covington allowed her eyes a momentary flicker over the southern bred beauty now crouching beside her. "That's a loaded question. But right now...I thought a whiff of that perfume might be rather therapeutic." Mel huffed and made to stand, but Jan said, "Seriously, I can't move my arms at the moment and my neck is getting awfully stiff. You wanna roll my jacket there and tuck it under my head?"
"Why, of course, Janice,why didn't you just say so?" She bunched the battered safari jacket and reached into the crevice.
"Thanks." Jan squirmed slightly and resettled.
"Is it getting any more interesting?"
"Maybe. Why don't you pull up that tarp over there and have a look for yourself."
Mel glanced over her shoulder and found the canvas within arm's reach. Yanking it loose, she inspected it uncertainly, a little sand, shook it and slid it in next to where Jan was working. Lying on her back she scooted in next to her colleague.
Jan grinned. "Hello, come a little closer."
"I can see from here."
"I know."
Mel felt the heat rush to her face, Jan still loved to torment her like that. She was quite sure it was all bluff. Well, mostly anyway.
"Damn it."
"What?" Mel asked, alarmed at times by the archeologist's mercurial temperament.
"Still not high enough."
"Here," Mel offered and eased her right hand in under Jan's head. "How's that?"
"That? Oh...that's perfect. Just perfect." The smaller woman swallowed audibly. But added, "Thanks, doll," with what she hoped was a touch of matter-of-fact bravado. "Hand me that little brush in my breast pocket, would you?"
Mel smirked as she complied, reaching across their bodies awkwardly with her left hand, careful not to touch...any sensitive areas. It was difficult. Jan did not wear a brassiere, Mel felt herself blushing again. Her twitching fingers made the tentative foray and found the wished for object nestled against a soft mound of heated flesh. Mel gulped and pulled her hand out quickly. "Here."
"Put it in my mouth." She used it to brush the charcoal from parchment and it sifted like black powder snow onto her face and neck and blouse.
"You'll need a bath," Mel noted, mother hen.
"You wanna give me one?" Jan asked, grinning crookedly around the stick of wood between her lips.
Mel breathed slowly, in, out, in, "Keep your mind on what you're doing."
"Oh, I do. I always do." Jan had dropped the brush before she spoke and it landed between her breasts. "There. That look familiar?"
"Ancient graffiti," Mel squinted, "not much more I'd say."
"Think that's meant for a chakram?"
"Now that you mention it...maybe."
"I love a girl who says maybe."
(cont. on next page)
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