The Book of Wonders

"Welcome to The Book of Wonders!I am your guide,Tome.From here you shall be privy to tales of wonder,hope,fear and enlightenment,...among other things." _ IN CAT'S CLOTHING_Copyright 2000 George Alexander Jr. (knock,knock):An elderly gentleman of sixty answers the door. Stranger:"Mr.Everett Willis? Mr.Willis:Yes I am.What can I do for you? Stranger:I'm here to kill you and take your cat. (Phut,Phut) Two silenced shots:one to the heart,one to the head. Stranger:"Here kitty,kitty." A white siamese cat with blue eyes and red-tipped ears and tail scratches the man's leg and says,"Took you long enough!And the name's Dorphixius!" Stranger:What the hell!?! Dorphixius:Plenty of time for that,mortalPlenty of time for that.Let's go! Stranger:Go?Where?Why can you talk? Dorphixius:1)You're taking me back to my previous owner,as per our agreement.2)I have vocal cords,a high functioning brain and a mouth.3)If you don't want to know what else I can do,take me out of here now. Dorphixius spoke calmly,but his voice was deep and had an ominous tone to it.His presence greatly contrasted his lithe form.You had the feeling of being a five year old covered in blood,standing in the middle of six ravenous lions who had just eaten your family and you 're desert.Each bigger than the last and devoid of mercy. The stranger did as he was told and soon they were driving off in his tan 1987 Lincoln Continental.He liked using the continental whenever he did a job.Sure it drank gas like a fish,but it was a tank on wheels compared to the fibreglass and plastic they use for cars today.Plus, it had a really large trunk.That always came in handy,for the occassional odd job.And as far as he was concerned,this was the oddest job yet!The more he thought about it,the more he wondered if Dorphixius would put him in the trunk if he tried anything. Dorphixius was busy listening to the radio.The news in particular."I see earthquakes are becoming more prevailant again.Lots of children becoming more violent.More and more causes to stop this "freedom" or that "freedom",by the p.c. groups.Cindy Margolis still has the most downloaded site on the net....You guys are making it hard for me to earn my keep,Mike.You don't mind me calling you that,since Michael Henry Douglas is your Christian name,do you?" Mike:How do you know my name and what do you mean,"earn you're keep"? Dorphixius:I make it a habit to learn all about my proteges,Mike.As to your other question,my "keep",is sin.I'm a demon.Close your mouth and watch the road. Mike:D-d-does your pr-previous owner kn-know what you are? Dorphixius:Yes. Mike:I-is she a w-witch or s-something? Dorphixius:She's dead.And your stuttering is irritating.I suggest you get over it,unless you want the cat to get your tongue. "Did I say,six ravenous lions before?I meant thirty!",Mike thinks to himself,as he bites his bottom lip and drives on,following Dorphixius' directions.Neither one noticing a black and grey husky with gold eyes,writing down Mike's license plate number in the dirt with his paw. "Sparky!Suppertime,boy!",cries the boy's voice from next door. "Woof!",replies Sparky,as he heads back towards the house. The night comes quick.Then again,that's to be expected this time of year. "Nothing says autumn like a senseless murder.Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to come to work.",sighs Detective Manley,as he surveys the crime scene. Officer Jones:"This was definitely a professional hit ,sir.We haven't found anything from the neighbors so far,that would warrant something like this." Detective Manley:"And exactly what,warrants "something" like this." Officer Jones:"Excuse me,sir?" Detective Manley:"Nevermind,Jones.Anything else?" Officer Jones:"We're still waiting for that check on that liceense plate number and a desrciption of a caucasian male,mid-thirties,dark brown hair,about six-foot-two,with a white siamese cat,with red tipped ears and tail,that we got from that anonymous call earlier,sir." Detecive Manley:"It's more help than we usually get.Whoever you are,thanks.Willis was a good man and we're going to find his killer.That much I know.If there's one thing I can't stand,it's bad things happening to good people." "The plates are registered to Michael H. Douglas,48202 Granier dr.,Roseville,Michigan.That's not too far from here.I think I'll pay Mr.Douglas a visit.Particularly,that cat he left with.There's something very wrong about that cat and it's not Douglas." "Sparky!",interupts Walter,"You know you're not suppossed to be around my computer.Down!Man,I hope you didn't erase my homework again.Outside,boy." "Woof!Woof!",is the husky's reply as he heads outside."Walter will be all right.Besides,he needs to go over his history lesson again anyway.Too many video gamesGood family upbringing,though.He just needs the right push.Now I've gotta go see a man about a cat...." The woman is in her mid-thirties,fair skinned,full lips and figure.Her hair:dark as night,save for two blonde highlights,runs down her body with all the gentleness of a lover's touch.She smells like fresh strawberries. "She's a looker,that's for sure.What did she die of anyway?",asks Mike. "Summoning me." replies Dorphixius,"She wanted me to kill her ex." Mike:"So,this was all about revenge?" Dorphixius:"Her ex was cheating on her with her mother and best friend...at the same time.But,he was sloppy and she found out it.It didn't matter that she was cheating on him with her boss and neglected to tell him about it." Mike:"Man,that old guy had somethin' goin' for him to pull a piece like her.Not to mention her mother and best friend on top of that.Lucky bastard!" Dorphixius:"He didn't "pull" her.That wasn't her ex.He's reacquainting himself with her mother,as we speak." Mike:"Then who was the guy I shot?" Dorphixius:"Nobody.When Angela summoned me she got so much wrong ,it's a miracle I arrived at all.She was using an old language from an ancient text that she bought and misspelled several key words.Her ex's name was one of them.Summoning me into this FEMALE cat's body was another.She also used too much summoning ingredient.So,instead of sacrificing only a small portion of herself to summon me,she forfieted her all in one fell swoop." Mike:"So,now we go and kill her ex?" Dorphixius:"Hell,no!I fulfilled my contract.The name of the person she wrote down is dead.I personally hope her ex goes through both sides of her family.Male and female." Mike:"So,why keep her body around?" Dorphixius:"It comes in handy.Besides,I used her voice to contact you in the first place." Mke:"But,if you can do all of this stuff on your own,why hire me?" Dorphixius:"Slothfulness.It's a sin I'm good at.Which is part of the reason you're going to be my new protege'." Mike:"What happened to the old one?" Dorphixius:"He became the part of the litter-box you emptied earlier.But don't worry,you're more promising than he was,anyway.Plus,your occupational background fits right in." Mike:"Being a hitman?" Dorphixius:"No.I mean your first occupation.Being a hit man is secondary." Mike:"I was a garbageman." Dorphixius:"Exactly.You must be prepared to deal with all kinds of filth and vermin in this line of work.Now go get the kitty -litter." Mike:"Uh,I already refilled your litter-box." Dorphixius:"No,I need it for a spell." Mike:"Kitty-litter?" Dorphixius:"You'd be surprised with what you can do with kitty -litter." "God",thinks Mike,"what have I gotten myself into?That's a demon.A demon means there's a Hell.And that means I'm #@$!!#!" Mike reaches in the corner of the kitchen for the bag of kitty-litter when something from behind the stove catches his attention.He doesn't "see" it.No,it's too dark for that.It's more lke a "feeling" that guides his hand behind the stove. "The Power That Binds,The Soul That Bleeds.This must be that book Dorphixius was talkin' about that that Angela-chick bought.But I thought he said it was in some kinda old language or somethin'.Looks like Englsh to me.Frikkin' cat.This might come in handy,later.",thinks MIke as he tucks the book up under his coat and brings the bag of kitty-litter to the front room. ***************************************************** "No lights.No movement.Nobody's home,yet.I can't stay too long.",says Sparky as he surveys the house and yard of Mike Douglas. "Gggrrrr!",growls the rottwieler that runs up behind him,teeth bared. "Sit.",is the husky's response.The rottwieler bows it's head and complies."Good boy.The police should be arriving soon and I don't want you to give them any trouble,but there is something else you can do...." "Locust.That's what he is.Him and all his kind.Feeding off the rest of us and moving on after he's done.",says Detective Manley.Each syllable and punctuation filled with venomous contempt. He's been in the home of Mike Douglas for well over four hours now.At first,it was to check out the address that came up on the computer that matched the license plate number.Then he searched the house and talked to neighbors.But that was a while ago.All of the neighbors said that he's a fine person.Always helpful.But,not Detective Manley.He knows differently.At least,that's what his "gut" tells him. "All I need is to look him in the eyes one good time and then I'll know for sure.",whispers Manley to himself,in mantra-like form,as he waits alone in the dark for Douglas to return. The stillness washes over the detective like memories.Memories of him with his father when he was a boy.He remembers a man who was larger than life,dwindle more and more each year. "Daddy,why do you hafta work so much?Me and mommy miss you.",cries the little boy."Because,crime doesn't rest and it will always win,as long as good men watch and do nothing.My father,your grandfather,taught me that.That's why I'm a cop.I fight the good fight,so you,your mother and everybody can be safe.Now,how's that homework,Jay?",asks the father. "I got a "B" in math,but mom's been helping me out." Father:"But you can do better.I want you depending less on your mother's help and more on yourself.I want to see more "A's" from you,Jay." His father had always been a strict man.A hard man.But,the detective knew that he wouldn't have been so hard,if things had been better.If more good men would stop watching and start doing. His father was like a rock,but over time,rocks can be eroded....Just ask the Grand Canyon.That's what crime did to his father,until he finally succumbed to the pressures of the job,years later: "How'ya doin',son?Your mother will be happy to see you.",says the old man to his son."Mom passed away a month ago,dad.Remember?" "You're right.I should have remembered that.I forget so much these days.Did you get that promotion yet? Jason:"Yes,sir.I got it today." Father:"Finally.A detective in the familyNow you can fight those bastards better than I did.You're a good boy,Jason.A good boy." A month later,he was gone. Dorphixius:"Here.Drink this." Mike:"Tell me again,why I'm doing this." Dorphixius:"It's an empowerment elixir.It will protect you from mortal harm for exactly six hours.Since,you keep whining about going back home to pick up a few things,I think it only best that I protect my investments." Mike:"Uggh!This stuff tastes like day old piss!" Dorphixius:"That was one of the ingredients." Mike:"....." Dorphixius:"Now,go get what you need and return.Oh,and one more thing...",Dorphixius jumps up and scratches Mike across the face,drawing blood. "Hey!What's wrong with you?!Dammit,that hurt!",exclaims Mike. Dorphixius:"Just giving you the smallest taste of what will happen if you don't return." Mike:"I told you I'd be back and I will." Mike heads towards his car."Damn demon.I'll fix his ass.Wait'll I get home and get my stuff!I know I gotta have somethin' that'll kill him.And the best thing is,I'm protected for the next six hours.Dumb ass!" Back inside the late Angela's house,Dorphixius is making preparations himself. "Ah,Angela,are you suffering terribly?I hope so.But thanks,for giving me a vacation from my eternal torment.I can't wait until that fool returns.Then the real fun can begin.Six hours indeed.Dumb ass!" Twenty minutes later: "I guess I'll check the mail while I'm at it.Now where's that stupid switch?" (click) "Who the hell,are you?" "Hello,Mr.Douglas.I'm Detective Manley,ninth precinct and I'd like to talk to you about a murder." Mike:"I don't know how you got in and I definitely don't know anything about any murder.You'd better show me some i.d." The detective shows Mike his badge,while at the same time,Detective Manley looks him square in the eye. Detective Manley:"You did it." Mike:"Did what? Detective Manley:"Don't play games with me.I can see it in your eyes.You killed that old man and I'm going to make sure you become somebody's personal dunk-hole for the rest of your life." Mike:"I don't care for threats and accusations.I think you'd better beat feet outta here." Detective Manley:"Make me,murderer." "I don't need this crap.I can take this guy and have the demon fix everything before I find a way to kill him,too and start over.",thinks Mike. Mike:"Okay.I did it.I killed the old man.I've killed lots of people.Hell,I probably killed a friend or two of yours!And ther's more....." Mike kicks the detective square in the knee and follows with an elbow to his temple."Y'know,you're lucky you're dealing with me and not that damn cat.I'm doin' you a favor.",says Mike,as he reaches for the detective's badge. "Get your damn filthy hands off me!",shouts the detective,as he whips out his revolver.Aiming it directly at Mike's chest. Mike smiling,replies:"Oh,is that suppossed to scare me?I tell you what,after I feed you to the cat,I'll use your gun for my next job." (BLAM!) Mike falls back,chest exploding with blood. "%$#*!That b-bastard lied t-to me!#$%#@ demon!Can't trust n-nobody.God,please don't let me die.Please,I can c-change.I can't die knowing there's a Hell.Just one m-mo.....",whispers Mike,as his last breath leaves him,eyes staring off in the distance. "I hope you rot in Hell,wretch.",says Detective Manley as he limps over the body and to the phone."Bill.It's Jason.I'm at the Douglas home.I've got the guy here.He confessed to the murder.No,that won't be necessary.Send the meat wagon.He's dead." *************************************************** "Sparky!Get away from that rottweiler!Come here,boy!Come on!",shouts Walter from the kitchen window. Sparky beckons the rottweiler away.The rottweiler complies,as the husky heads inside the house.The crisp morning air runs across his face. "I don't like this at all.From what my 'friend" just told me,Douglas returned home late last night,got into a fight and was killed.But that's not the end of it.That cat showed up and jumped on Douglas' face as they were taking him away and put his mouth over Douglas',before they shooed him off.It had to be a cat.I hate cats.Well,since I don't have a "Mystery Machine" and four "meddlesome" kids to help me out,I guess I'll just have to do this on my own.After I walk Walter to school.',says Sparky. "Well,look who showed up.Despite doctor's orders,as usual.Nice cane,Jace.",states the large black man from behind his desk.He's forty,but his enthusiasm belongs to a man half his age. Detective Manley:"It won't be for long,Bill.After what that bastard did to my knee,I won't be dancing anytime soon.Which is a small price to pay,consdering that he's roasting in Hell,by now." Bill:"You know,a roast doesn't sound too bad.What do you want to do for dinner?Shirley's visiting her grandma for the weekend,so what say we make it a boys night out?" Detective Manley:"Maybe.I still have to finish my report,answer some questions and see the company shrink. Bill:"Don't give me that "maybe" jazz.That's what your folks say when they mean "no".Look,crime is gonna still be there,so take a break. Detective Manley:"That's the problem.It's always there,because it doesn't take a break." Bill:"Man,don't let this job kill you.If you talk that "one man against evil",jazz to the shrink,you won't have a job to come back to.Besides,you wouldn't have such a hard-on for crime,if you got laid.It relieves tension,you know." Detective Manley:"I'm fine." Bill:"Please!If you were shot,you'd bleed sperm you're so backed up.Come on over for dinner.We'll go out and later on I'll introduce you to my cousin.She won't care if you're white.She's part white herself,from her mom's side.Just as long as you've got a job and no outstanding warrants,you're okay.So,what do you say?" Detective Manley:"Maybe."