ALOT OF PEOPLE CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO LOSE A CHILD ,THIS PAGE IS DEDICATED TO PARENTS WHO HAVE LOST CHILDREN IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS..READ OUR PAIN AND LEARN WHAT WE FEEL,HOW OUR LIFE HAS CHANGED. PAGE 3
My son Danny was diagnosed in Dec. of 95' with advanced non-hodgkins
lymphoma and given 6 mos. to a year to live. He battled this disease for
5 long painful years. Countless times, the doctors made me think this was
the end, and each time, he showed them otherwise. Yet I watched his
pain and courage with a crushed heart, knowing what the outcome would
be. He died one month before his 32nd birthday. He died at home with all
his family around him. I watched my son struggle for every breath he took.
I finally said out loud "Lord Please - NO MORE, take him to You."
Within the hour, Danny took his last four deep breaths and I placed him
from my arms into the arms of His Lord. There is NO WAY I can describe
the gut-wrenthing pain. Picture a wild animal on a mountain top - howling to
the heavens - alone, secluded, and in pain. I felt like that howling animal,
wild with grief. And yet, it seems like a parents grief is slow and
torturous,
silently it rips our hearts in shreds. We are on a journey. A rocky, risky
journey where there are deep dark pits that we sometimes cannot avoid.
We reach out for help and ever so slowly, regain our strength to continue
the path. A path that we will be on for the rest of our lives. A path that
will
eventually bring us together again with our child. And so it
is.....................
Arlene Gundersen
Mother of Daniel Forrester
2/28/70 - 1/10/01 (10:31 P.M.)
Non-hodgkins Lymphoma
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
............................................................................ FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST
.....by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001
Tears fall and the sweet memories of Luke,
Flood through my consciousness so fast.
Just memories remain so I begin,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
Our desperate search for Luke has ended,
He is in his room all alone.
We are speeding along so anxiously,
Trying so hard to get back home.
We seem to move down the road so slowly,
Through the warm and stale April night.
I hear only the hum of tires and stare,
Straight ahead at the red tail lights.
The scene grips my soul as we park the car,
Home sweet home as never before,
The eerie shadows of bright flashing lights,
Police tape across the front door.
We want to go inside and see our Son,
We're not allowed is what we're told.
We wait forever in the heat outside,
Although the desert seems so cold.
Murmurs and voices are muffled and drift,
Across the still dark desert air.
The hours of endless waiting linger,
As I go to my God in prayer.
I ache in the dark and lonely silence,
As I shed my own private tears.
While in my suffering mind I relive,
All of those fond wonderful years.
I finally enter the house alone,
My footsteps stop cold at his door.
My heart is heavy with sadness and pride,
I want to hold him just once more.
Luke's Dad joins me and together we stand,
Holding on to each others clutch.
We can only gaze in dull disbelief,
Because we're not allowed to touch.
Outside his only sister cries: "No Luke!",
As it echoes throughout night.
I painfully watch the coroners van,
Until it is out of my sight.
We enter our home once again and search,
For answers of what took his life.
Nothing is found but shattered hopes and dreams,
Stabbing through our hearts like a knife.
Somehow morning arrives and seems to move,
At an unexplainable pace.
Suspended we make unbearable plans,
That time will not ever erase.
Oh my God! I just can not believe it,
Twenty-one years old and he's dead.
Numbness absorbs me and everything feels,
So misplaced in my mixed up head.
The autopsy is done and finally,
I touch his soft cold beautiful skin.
Within my chest is a horrible pain,
Because of the absence of him.
Final goodbyes before his cremation,
We give him an eternal kiss.
Once more I ask God to please bring him back,
This is my last and only wish.
But my only wish is never granted,
Once again he's warm in my lap.
He's back home again but only ashes,
Oh when I will wake from this nap.
Family members arrive for his service,
They all come from so far away.
To honor our Lucas Christopher Ross,
On this his everlasting day.
We are gathered with loved ones and flowers,
Within a never yearned for place.
There are hugs and precious words of comfort,
As tears stream down each saddened face.
Now solemnly his friends fill the chapel,
As they each enter one by one.
Words and music, then the service concludes,
The emptiness has just begun.
After endless weeks of waiting to know,
We get an answer to our why.
Pneumonia crept in and left him to lay,
All alone in his room to die.
Our little family is not apart,
In some strange unusual way.
We share Luke's imperishable spirit,
Each day after day after day.
Our love, dreams and unfading memories,
Still make us cry and make us laugh.
And the FOUR of us spend a lot of time,
FOREVER LIVING IN THE PAST.
Christine, Luke's Mom
Luke 10/31/79-4/3/01
Age 21
Acute Bronchopneumonia
Son of Robin and Christine Ross
Brother and best friend of Emily Ross
http://www.LucasChristopherRoss.com
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