The Dick Van Dyke Show Quotes

Mel (to Buddy): Are you wearing makeup?"  Buddy: "Just a little. I have a blemish."  Mel: "You are a blemish!"

BUDDY: "Hey, here's something for Ritchie: a bathtub toy with a plastic fish in it."  ROB: "I think Ritchie's a little too old for plastic fish."  Sally: "I'll take it."  BUDDY: "I don't want to be personal, but aren't you old enough to bathe with real fish?"  SALLY: "It's not for me, it's for Mr. Henderson, my cat."  BUDDY: "Your cat eats plastic fish?"  SALLY: "It's a plastic cat."

Rob (to Mel): "How could you make a mistake like that?!"  Buddy: "Easy, it's hereditary.  Look at the mistake his parents made."

Buddy (to Mel): "Oh, wait a minute.  I'd like to thank you, Mel."  Mel: "For what?"  Buddy: "For leaving."

Rob (to Laura): "There's no time for that now."  Laura: "What are you doing?  What's the matter with you?"  Rob: "There's a 'G' Man in the living room."  Laura: "And there's a nut in the kitchen!"

Ritchie (to Laura): "Freddy and I are going to buy a dead rat."  Laura: "Ritchie, will you please tell me where you can buy a dead rat?!"  Ritchie: "Do you you want one, mommy?"

Buddy (to Mel): "Don't feel so bad, Mel. You finally accomplished a great feat. You've got everybody hating you at the same time!"

Mel (to Buddy): "You know you couldn't be replaced?" Buddy: "Why not?" Mel: "Because I don't know what you are!!"

"There was something ageless with him. Probably 100,000 jokes in his head went with him." -- Dick Van Dyke on the death of Morey Amsterdam, the comic actor best known as the wisecracking television writer on "The Dick Van Dyke Show."

"Marriage, like a lot of other things, has boundaries and to some guys those boundaries represent walls and that makes marriage a prison to them but to other guys those boundaries hold everything that's good and fun in life." ##

Buddy (to Rob): "You keep that up and you'll end up on a hospital show!" #

# quote suggested by Kyle Hankins ## quote suggested by Dona Howell

Laura: "You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton? Go ahead!" Rob: "Who's that?" Laura: "Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity." Rob: "Then how do you know him?"

Laura: "Rob, let me ask you something. Are you doing this because you're afraid of Alan?" Rob: "No, I'm doing it because I respect Alan Brady. A man of his caliber has great firing power."

Sally: "Time to go home and feed Mr. Henderson." Buddy: "What kind of name is that for a cat?" Sally: "This coming from a man who has a wife named Pickles and a dog named Larry!"

Mel (to Buddy): "Yeecchh!"