A day does not pass by without the thought of you, the saddest that you are no longer physically here so that I may speak with you, touch your handsome face, hold your strong hands, place my arms about your shoulders, look into your beautiful eyes so lovingly.
A day does not pass without my joyous thoughts and memories of each year beginning with your first "kick" in my womb.
Some memories may not be happy, I say this because we are human on this earth and we are not perfect but I thank the Lord that I have all these memories, all of them.
Looking back through my mind's eye I thank God that you and I know and always knew, we are part of each other, through God's awesome grace.
Your dad asked me, after you left to be with our Lord, if I have any regrets about yours and my relationship. I told him quite honestly, no, not one. For he did not know the bond between you and I, no matter who tried to break that bond (which was strong through our Lord, a three-strand cord), no one succeeded.
No one knew and some still have no clue, that we had our special communications, our private talks and discussions, others that were right there with you or I never knew how much we spoke to one another. We never had to devulge our private talks to the closest to us for God showed us the way without betraying anyone. For God to hold of our lives and guided us through each day. I told your dad of the calls you made so often from school, or where ever you might be, work, you know the ones. No matter that sometimes I would mention, collect calls get expensive then I'd take it back...silly me. Thank God that never stopped the almost daily calls that would strengthen us, and our walks with the Lord.
For He is so benevolent. Praise Him.
Your children are supposed to be at your grandma Lopez's this weekend with their mother. It seems their mother lost my telephone number and such. VO GANG is in the Bay Area this weekend also. Now isn't that an odd coincidence.
The mother and her mother have moved without advising my side of your family but does that surprise us? No way. My faith in God's Word is what I stand on every minute, second of every day.
I know you are here with me. I feel your presence all the time. I also see you in my mind's eye.
I will always always remember your birth, boy, was I scared. I had no idea what to expect. When Doctor Wheeler handed you to me, I was totally amazed. How did God think of all this...a baby from me. A little person, totally dependent upon me, of all people. God blessed me time and again with your every breath.
Remember those pictures of you from a tiny tiny baby to the toddler you with that curly curly blondie brown hair, your sweet smile, your sweet disposition. You were so good, after that first month bout with colic.
I MISS YOU AND I CRY FOR ME.
MY GRIEF IS SO BEYOND TEARS BUT JESUS HOLDS ME AND GIVES ME HIS PEACE AND JOY. GOD THE FATHER HEALS MY BROKENESS BUT I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE.
I sometimes call Demetrios Manny, like I used to when you, Demetrios and I were together. Demetrios is so understanding and he tries to be patient. Demetrios looks just like you (me).
I shall never forget the times we shared. I am glad we were so honest with each other. That we talked over the rough edges some people still think are there.
Manny, I am not going to try to explain to the children's mother that we patched things up years ago. One, of course she will not believe me. Two, she will just be more than ever vicious to my family.
So, we will leave that sleeping dog lay. Okay? Okay! Same deal as before. K?
I am stopping here.
Happy birthday, my (baby boy) son.
I love you with all my heart and I miss you with all of my being.
Hugs and Kisses.
Love,
Mom
Manny, I know you didn't drink when you truly received our Lord Saviour Jesus into your heart and life. This is just a virtual drink for
your birthday toast.
Love
Mom
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