If my mind was a room I'd like to trash it Wish i could smash it Til nothing remained If my life was a book I'd like to burn it Totally unlearn it Erase from history Til it's gone - gone The end of a song That never should have been sung Til it's silence It's like violence To never be able to turn it down If my body was a car I'd like to wreck it And subject it To an uncoming train If my soul was a gift I'd love to exchange it For a better fit Or a refund, no questions asked Til it doesn't exist No record of it Struck from collective memory Take it back to where It was never there And shut down the assembly line If i was a song All the notes would be wrong And it's best just to stop...

Commentary Well, this is it - the first draft of a whole song that i've attempted to write again. There's been times this year when i've started with a verse or an idea that seems like the beginning to something but i don't write it down or follow up on it because i just don't have the strength to confront those dark parts of myself. I had just about the same reaction when i started on this one, but something in me needed to see it through - no matter how hard it was. I can't imagine myself writing anything less stark or anything lighter than this at this time of my life, but if this is what's inside me, than so be it. It may scare the frell out of me, but i have to acknowledge these dark parts of myself sooner or later. The alternative is just going to sleep and shutting myself "off" for as long as i can, not allowing myself to think or feel anything and i've already spent too much time doing that lately. So for better or for worse this is me Version.2003.

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