One look at you and my mind and my body smile Like the cherry on a sundae, you strike me with your unique style Your presence make me think: "oh, the symphonies I could compose" And how I desire to reveal to you sides of me that nobody knows The sensation of touch I want to share so much My darling, with you - with you But it could never be It's all a fantasy That will never come true The love I feel The torture so real My love, if you only knew How hard it is to hide All the butterflies inside When I think of you And outside I seem (I hope) calm and collected A facade I think I've perfected But if I opened like a book And you could sneak a look You'd find when you turned the page... A RANDOM MOSAIC OF RAGE CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE TAKE CAUTION - TAKE HEED HOW COULD ONE MEASURE THE JEALOUSY AND THE GREED OF WHAT I DESIRE TO AGONY BUT COULD NEVER HAVE TO OWN YOU'D SEE MY DISMAY BUT IF I HAVE MY WAY... Those weaknesses shall never be shown And if you could hear me now, I hope I don't seem As I'm merely lusting luxury that I couldn't have My love for you is indeed genuine It would still exist if we could cross our paths And the knowledge of that fact Makes it harder to act As if I wasn't a slave to your spell The shadow of harsh reality Of your unavailability Weakens me to a depth I can't tell I'm helpless So I'll never feel your warmth I'll never share your laughter I'll never be with you Living happily ever after

Commentary My idea when writing this was to have it start off very sweet and romantic, not quite syrup-py but a couple of steps away - light and airy. Then without warning fo in a completely opposite direction - screeching, Rollins-Band-type punk. Then after that section, it would return to a calm sound but not quite the romantic idealism of the beginning - because the monster's been let out of the cage and it's' existence can't be forgotten so the music's still a bit dark underneath the surface and by the end the music that continues to play after the vocals stop is very discordant. I wrote this is 1990 - this would have been around the time when i was coming to grips with my bisexuality...that i could feel the same way towards men (if not stronger) than i could towards women. The person i had in mind when i wrote this was a girl i knew that was involved with someone else but i think i probably also wrote it with some double meanings to where it could also apply to a same-sex situation since writing on different layers and meaning was something i was doing regularly at the time and always strove for. So at that time it was probably written with a possible interpretation of being from a closeted male. Though now it speaks to me because if it was a gay narrator, it wouldn't matter if they were in the closet or not...after all the "straight narrator" wouldn't be. Whoever it's from, gay or straight, would just be aware that whoever they're thinking of would never be able to feel the same way so they have to put a part of themself away where no one can ever see it.

	Powered by MSN TV