(sung to the tune of Gin Blossoms' "Hey Jealousy") Chelsea, do ya think it would be all right If we made prank calls on the red phone tonight Chelsea i just think you're the cat's meow To me you're more than just daddy's girl But you know it would be really rad If i could chew the fat with your dad But you know we'll want to be alone When he drags out his saxophone And i'd go out with you any day Even though your mom has a new hairdo every day I'd risk inhaling hair spray for your hand Hey Chelsea Hey Chelsea Hey Chelsea Nothing rhymes with Chelsea Chelsea do you think it would be all right If we made home made cookies tonight Mama don't even have to bake them for We can just chow down on the dough Or we could go out to have our fill At McDonald's while your dad signs the bill But you know i want to look good in his eyes Remind me to bring him home some fries And i'd go out with you anyway Even though your dad doesn't support marriage for gays Ooh that would be a heavy price to pay for you But i would Hey Chelsea And i'd go out with you anyway Even though the tabloids will have their say We'll just have to keep them all at bay We'll invite Sean Penn Hey Chelsea Hey Chelsea Gotta find a rhyme for Chelsea I shall excel...see? Chelsea do you think it would be all right If we sent a thousand pizzas to Bob Dole tonight I'm sure dear old dad wouldn't disapprove In fact i'm sure he'd have a hearty laugh I'm counting the minutes til i meet You in the Presidential suite The two of us are gonna paint the White House red With rainbow striped windows And i'd go out with you any day You know we've got Socks' personal okay What else more could i possibly say Without a teleprompter Hey Chelsea Hey Chelsea Can't be too much harder To be cooler than Amy Carter

Commentary To balance out some of the darker songs, i also plan to post parodies and light stuff here as well and this is hands down my favorite song parody i've ever written, On average i only write about one a year usually when i'll hear something in a song that i think is worth exploring and i'll go crazy until i've acted on it. For all its silliness, this was based on some serious musings...i had been intrigued by Chelsea Clinton in that she always struck me as being very down to earth, grounded, and normal - which can not be easy when one has such high profile parents...i had always thought she'd be an interesting person to know and i felt really sad for her because not only must it be hard for her to make friends because of who she is in stature, but also because the press tended to take really unfair potshots at her because she was nice and normal and not some superficial glammer queen. I felt she really needed someone to sing her praises and this came out of that. Although i toyed with the idea several times - from the time it was written to the time the Clintons left the White House - of sending her a copy but always chickened out because i feared she might not like it or get the jokes or the humor - or that the Secret Service would have me classified as some official nutcase. By the same token i probably should have sent a copy to the Gin Blossoms - especially because they also hail from Arizona...but again i never did. And the final person i had considered sending it to was Dr Demento though by the time i had really thought seriously about it, the timeliness of it was beginning to wear. The song was performed though (along with a few others) on "Earth Quakes" which was a cable access tv show that our leading Avant Garde theatre company, Planet Earth Theatre, was producing in the mid '90's. The show didn't last very long due to the fact that we tried to put together a weekly show which got hard to do while doing all the regular stuff for the theatre...but it did win the New Times award for Best Cable Access Show and the mini review cited this song as one of the things they loved about it. For completests' sake i should note that the Bob Dole line was originally about Newt Gingrich but that later got changed to Dole when Newt fell out of favor as a major mover and shaker. That was the only concession i ever made to update any kind of "timeliness".

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