YOU MIGHT BE A KARAOKE JUNKIE ....................... Karaoke Junkie .......................... ====================================== If you think you might like karaoke just a little too much, then you can probably sympathise with more than one of these. ======================================= 1. You've ever burned up a car to get to karaoke 2. You're broke all the time 3. You clap when a song finishes on the radio 4. You ever wake up from a sound sleep clapping 5. Strangers walk up to you in Wal-mart and compliment you on your singing 6. People you don't know ask, "Aren't you the karaoke dude?" 7. You get pissed when you are skipped in the rotation 8. Songs on the radio don't sound right because Ernest or Roger aren't singing them 9. You hear a song on the radio and think, that's number7-12 10. You don't wear "the hat" and nobody knows you 11. Somebody says, "why don't we leave early?" and the whole crowd gasps (and early is 12:30 pm) 12. You refer to "my list" ten months after you've sold out 13. You find yourself engrossed in the philosophical ramifications of "AMERICAN PIE" 14. You go to a concert and wonder when they're gonna call you up to sing 15. You go to a concert and all the time you're thinking "I could do that" 16. You write lists like this on the back of karaoke slips 17. Last call comes and you say "But I'm not through singing yet!" 18. You've ever been taken home passed out in the back of a 69 Cadillac hearse 19. You've ever ripped the door off a bar 20. You have laryngitis and you still try to sing 21. Blue drinks turn you into the INCREDIBLE HULK 22. You know you've got to get up at 6:30 am and you still close the bar down 23. There's 12 inches of snow on the ground and ice on the roads and where are you? THE KARAOKE BAR! 24. You think "life without the role" are really the words 25. Someone asks you if you have a slip, and they're not talking about underwear! 26. Someone is writing "WHAT IF" lists during karaoke 27. You remember the number of over two songs by memory 28. You know everybody's first name-and you don't know what the hell their last names are 29. You know the location of every motel within five miles of the bar. 30. You don't remember the names of any waitresses before Sharon Peters. 31. You know the location of every karaoke bar within 50miles of your house. 32. When you're not at the karaoke bar by 10: 30 people call your house to find out what's wrong. 33. You would never consider dating someone with a bad voice. 34. Anything brighter than neon lights hurts your eyes. 35. Someone suggests going dancing instead and you're appalled. 36. Your stock reply is "you mean there's a bowling alley here." 37. That commercial on TV that makes fun of karaoke really pisses you off. 38. You see karaoke on TV and you think "That's not the way it's done!" 39. You actually know that karaoke means "empty orchestra." 40. It feels weird to go to a new karaoke bar and not sit at the "regulars" table 41. You get pissed when someone else is sitting in your place 42. You throw up on somebody's car---and they understand 43. You get pissed when someone sings "your song" 44. The songs, "LOVE SHACK", "FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES", and "AMERICAN PIE" really annoy you (unless of course YOU want to sing them) 45. Someone refers to "the longest song in the book" and you know what they're talking about 46. The word "rotation" no longer conjures up thoughts of tires or sex 47. You've ever browsed the "net" under the heading "KARAOKE" 48. You've ever called a wrecker to take you and your car to KARAOKE(hey it was contest night O.K.!) 49. You think it's a compliment when someone dedicates "THE BITCH IS BACK" to you 50. A new person who sings well is automatically your friend 51. Your new best friend is somebody who does the same type songs as you 52. You can't name five presidents,---BUT you know all the members of KISS and the EAGLES 53. The whole bar yells "OH SHIT" when you're called to sing 54. You know the entire intro to "BABY'S GOT BACK" 55. You start believing your middle name is "lucy" or "louise" 56. You hear "what's this fat f---er going to sing?" And you're determined to sing them under the table 57. Anyone has ever suggested therapy 58. You've picked karaoke songs to be sung at your funeral (wife says this ain't happening)--------BITCH 59. You wonder what ever happened to what's-his-name, you know he sang _____ 60. You've ever received an emergency call at the bar 61. You think you sound better than the original 62. You can still sit still after listening to "LOVE SHACK" 5,000 times 63. Someone throws up because you sang too much ELTON JOHN 64. You think you can never sing too much ELTON JOHN 65. Someone suggests an after party and you ask "do you have a karaoke machine?" 66. You can't remember the words to a song you've heard all your life without "the screen" 67. You and three other people have sung "FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES" after the karaoke has closed down 68. The first thing you think when you hear a new song on the radio is "when is this coming out on karaoke?" 69. You call the karaoke store and hound them about a disk 70. You buy a karaoke disk for one song---burning 14 other songs 71. You try to learn 14 songs you don't really like 72. You consider beer a lubricant for your vocal chords 73. It takes you 15 minutes to hug everybody goodbye 74. Your best friend has to hold you up to sing your last song, and you never miss a note (hey it was TWIST OFF night O.K.!) 75. You can't sing until you're nice and toasty 76. The high point of your week is when the bar gets a new disk 77. You cant stand up or walk but you never miss a note 78. You feel cheated if they don't get karaoke started at 9:00 sharp "bar time" 79. The term kamikaze has nothing to do with japan or planes 80. Your house guests get to your house 1-1/2 hours before you do 81. You're a woman but you're still willing to sing the guys part 82. You're a guy but your still willing to sing Barbara's part in "NO MORE TEARS"