More stuff from the squashed war veteran who has been stomped into the the ugly brown ground by the boots of an unfeeling mob of bearucrats and various government agencies who have no soul.
Lawyers go to heaven
Hello to my warm quivering anticipatory audience who quakes in emotional bliss at the profundities that drip from the ketboard of the magnificent Damodara.
Tis me. The exaulted one.
Returned from my Lawyer appointment and he seems to feel up to working on my appeal for 25% of the recovery, which is a couple thou at this point.
I can trust that is enough motivation for him.
He seems sincere and competant and clear eyed and I had no sense at all he was humoring me or "head patting" which was the most psychologically undermining experiance I had with my previous lawyer.
So....I don't have to sweat.
I believe I have a motivated lawyer.
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News rom the Front
I heard from congressman XXXXX's office recently.
One of my supporters requested permssion to write letters declaring the 93,000 buckerinis..samolians? Greenbacks? dclaring that the 93,000 dollar debt they've put on me
isn't right. I gave permission.
Congressman XXXXX's regional office contacted my brother and told him to tell me to file for a waiver immediately.
That's a forgiveness form.
They also said they would send me a copy of my web friend's letter.
Which didn't happen...yet. Maybe 10 working days have passed.
The people in his office never cease to amaze me with their vacilation and lack of integrity in the matter at hand.
I wrote the congressman a very nice letter explaining it was in response to his inquiry concerning the issue raised by one of my friends.
I told him that in Septemer 98 they gave me a make up check for ten years of underpayments.
And that his office was contacted and confirmed the money was mine in fact and had a letter sent to me by social security explaining the situation.
I then explained that five months later..maybe six...his office changed their minds along with the social security administration ...and it was decided that ALL the money from ten years or so in the past up to the present I owed them.
This was in January of 1999.
Oh.
Instead of contining with the perspective I had been underpaid for ten years they decided to pursue the idea that this oversight meant I owed THEM...every cent back from then to the present.
See....if they did their work ten years ago this wouldn't be happening.
I earned too much money in my after college work effort, apparently.
And it was decided I should sign a re-applicaton pre-dated to 1990 so that the paperwork would be in order and there would be no problem.
I thought it was some paperwork oversight on their part all along.
I went to the congressman's office and they had changed their mind too.
So I went and got a lawyer for the reason of refuting this preposterous perspective they had. Who then failed to file an appeal of this insane decision thus my benefits were stopped in October of 1999
I told the congressman this in response to the quiry on the part of my friend.
So I decided to go with the flow because of financial necessity and the advice of my lawyer. "The important thing is get your benefits started again." I had to agree. Besides....when they decide that I was disabled in 1990 then the money I supposedly owe would all become imaginary . And my checks would start again.
Then in the end of June of this year,2000, I received word that my re-application was denied.
I still owe them, according to their way of thinking, 93,000 dollars. This is without regard to my on-going disability and meny doctor visits from 1992 to 1997 at the V.A.Hospital and all the mind pills I had taken over this period. Neuroleptics.
And of course I hadn't been working.
I spared the congressman's office some of the details.
I graduated college in 1985, of the community type, and was unable to find a job in my field. a couple years later sometime in 1987 0r 88..unsure. I was working as a sub-teacher. This was all part of my grand effort to overcome my diability and return to the work force. Okay?
I failed.
Now here it is July 2000 and the Congressman's people suggest I sign a waiver so they can forgive me this debt.
This was suggested inspite of my letter.
I'm an expert on being nuts. It's one of the things I do best. And to go back ten years and vacilate on a decision involving tens of thousands of dollars is nuts. And the people in the congressman's office have gone right on vacilating with every blow of the wind. Now the plan didn't work they want to forgive me.
Now, I am not going to have the 93,000 debt become imaginary because they decided that I was really not disabled in 1990. Thus I still owe the money.
And the doctor who evaluated me (this year) stopped me at his office door to tell me I was indeed deserving of social security disability benefits.
So much for his opinion and professional influence on their decision.....
I know this is nuts. I've been to the crisis center a few times and emergency room seeking anti-anxiety medication during this. This is very difficult and painful for a person wth my diagnosis to bear. This is not funny and there isn't anywhere I can go for help. There ain't no cops to call Folks.
So now the good people in the congressional office want to forgive me and leave this giant hugh humongous pile of money on the debit side of the social security disability system.
Thats criminal.
Either through professional negligence or through conscious political intent to undermine the integrity of the system meny of us (disabled) depend on.
This makes it appear as if the credibility and integrity of a United States congressional office is in question.
Thanks to the help of another of my supporters who has a printer I was able to have a nice clean letter and envelope.
I just bounce my letters via e-mail over to my friend and she mails me the hard copy for records and sends a copy out in snail mail.
I have contacted...well mailed a letter to the Senators too expecting of them to help facilitate my appeal of the decision that I'm not disabled in 1990. Pre-dated application. I expect them to respond shortly.
I feel that the 93,000 dollar debit on the social security books which they have engineered and are trying to blame me for is more appropriately an issue for the vacilating congressional office to address. Money's mine. moneys theirs, we'll forgive you for ripping off 93,000 bucks......Duh....
I reguested his office contact ME instead of my brother if there is going to be a reply to the letter..previously mentioned.
Why'd they contact him anyway? I'm invalid as a person because I'm disabled maybe? I'm a bug squashed between their papers?
I'm living in the woods. If it wasn't for the wires dangling into the back shed and my efforts to keep the electrc and phone paid I would be off the face of the earth now and off the web.
Another homeless Viet-nam veteran. Another crazy street person with a crazy story no one will believe.
So....I have a webtv terminal hooked up to the padlocked house.
Don't tell anybody.
I didn't men to slander anyone with this writting it's just the way I see it. My story as I see it.
I truely want someone to explain this all to me in a way that I can be relieved of this enormous stress and dark suspicions this situation as generated in me. Perhaps I don't see things correctly?
I want Liberty.
Damodara
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Then there's the story of Benedict
Last summer we had a new girl here at the marvelous bucolic adventure that is Acornia. Dumpy old farm househouse across the road from a wildlife refuge. It's also...or was also..... a shared rental arrangement usually including five or six or seven people.
It's been nice.
For the 15 years 've lived here..... except there is always...I mean ALWAYS some lint picking asshole present who is willing to fight to the death over such thngs as paying the tax on the telephone bills (pennies) or demanding a personal assigned parking place or demanding to have their windows open all winter or insisting on leaving an electric space heater running 24 hours a day so their cat wil be warm while they are at work, etc,etc. Usually they are more willing to fight to the death the more picayune and snubful the thing they want is.
For example ice cubes in the summer months MUST be taken from the non-frost proof refrigerator because it' s a sign of pure laziness to not want to defrost it frequently.
Thus.....it requires tooth and nail conflict to use the most appropriate freezer for making ice.
Another example of the continual social hell was the sharing thing. I sarted buying one of those two gallon jugs of spring water and would leave it out for others to use. One day someone else bought a two gallon jug and left it out.
Next thing some resident asshole is insisting it's my turn to buy a jug. I MUST share properly according to the rules apparently. Of course I then withdraw from the source of contention. I kept my own water jug and let them beat each other to death over the fair share thing. That sort of phenomena is a constant thing in a communal hosehold. Sharing was a very very hard job.
Anyway........
I don't like people anymore except in small doses and at a distance. It's a great relief to end the nightmare of people living together. I'm glad there's a law against it now unless everyone is related. We apparently are nothing more then anmals led by greed and penny pinchng in a group.
I'm living as a near hermit now here and I feel wonderful and thankful the mindless throng is farther away.
Communes sound very poetic on paper.
Maybe after a few thousand years of evolution it might be possible to live with each other. It's funny though....now that it appears to be over...I have what I moved here for.
Anyway the new girl and I went on a little walk through the nearby wetlands and were naming plants for each other and swapping information. She was an ecologist and knew almost as meny plants by name and about them as I do. Not meny people know more about the wild plants then I do.
I feel we learned alot from each other.
This little baby dear..fawn right?...came crashing through the high reeds and stumbled into this creekside clearing where we were standing examining freshwater clams and muscles .
The fawn fell onto it's belly as it cleared the reeds and lay there between us. Not 6 feet away.
Methodically, he stared at one to the other.
Got up as though we wern't there, skipped across the creek and disappeared into the reeds . This was the first sighting of the orphan deer.
I've had a lot of positive experiences here at Acornia. Don't misunderstand me. It's just very evident to my eye that people who live in this country have a very long way to go before socialization can take place. It's nothing but crabs in a bushel basket getting kicked every five minutes so they all claw each other. At least this has been my experiance here, at Acornia. Human's only have an illusion they are social creatures.
This is my perspective of 15 years. And a lot of people have lived here. And I've seen them relate.
It's very ugly. Like living with someone who constantly beats and kicks their dog . We are awful creatures in a group. Humans. Never again.
I feel very sad about this.
Then I was out cutting through this beautiful meadow surrounded by tall trees with the deaf beagle. There was a Momma deer there and she bounded high into air in these leaps as she passed through the tall grass. And off to the side there was a fawn leaping as best he could to keep up with her. She paused under a tree waiting for him to meet her there and then off they bounded.
Dog chases nothing. Kennel bound as a pup apparently. She smells where the rabbit was sitting sometimes. And gives a little trot if a ground hog or something runs. But she has no intent to actually run after anything. First couple years dog was here all she could do was chase bird shadows on the ground. Sadly,thats only one symptom of her being kennel bound in her youth.
I walked on through the grass and BINGO this same orphan fawn bounced in the air less then five feet from me. Scared me to death. twenty feet away she flopped back down into her hiding mode in the tall meadow grass as young fawns do instinctively. I stood there and caught my breath. Her head popped up like it was spring loaded and stared directly at me. I stared back.
Then she or he did this head tilt thing we mammals do when curious or wondering. The fawn looked and looked trying to figure me out. Or to learn me,or something like that.
I began to worry about dog who was god knows where...probably rolling in deer poop someplace nearby as she simply loves to do. Anything awful and smelly and dog has to roll in it like it were money. I withdrew to spare the deaf beagle from the evident trauma she would experiance if she happened to see this spring loaded neck stuck up like that giving me the "marvel". So I backed away and in a little bit dog came from whatever interest she had found and we headed back from whence we came.
I felt the meadow was a good place for an orphan fawn. Especially since she had company there with the Momma and offspring.
Then again I came upon her/him? and apparently she was hanging out with her foster family; the momma and the other fawn. Benedict..as I named the orphan...was smaller then the other, younger no doubt. They would graze together on the fields edge often and I would observe from across the soybeans.
This went on for a good while.
Then while taking a shortcut through the neck of woods I came upon them again....and then again....Benedict was growing and found a family. And I got to observe.
Then one day, Benedict was alone again.
Apparently he failed to follow them off. I was surprised from the beginning that they all stayed in the relative same space anyway. I never thought that was deer behavior.
Deer are supposed to range.
Benedict looked down the dirt farmers road along the soybeans and woods and I looked back. Sometimes at a distance you can see or feel when the animal...whatever kind it is ...is looking squarely eye to eye with you. This happened. Then benedict ignored me and kinda meandered around. I believe he recognized me. I was apparently granted the status of being one of those creatures which share the range with the other.
Once while reading at a favorite spot of mine at the edge of the field...back maybe 300 feet from the house...I looked up and benedict was grazing through the soybeans and coming directly at me.
I kept reading. The deer's head would come up from the beans and stare at me every so meny feet.
I was glancing up too over my glasses from the book. The orphan deer saw me and kept coming anyway, closer and closer. Maybe got to within 20 or 30 yards. Benedict would probably be classified as a juvenile at this point. The spotted coat of fawndom ,of course, was missing months before.
Then he just wandered off to the side and into the brush and trees again.
Then one day I came through the woods from the other side returning from some business and there was big herd of dear present. Right on the same range ground as Benedict was using.
Then Benedict left apparently.
Mighta seen him back there once more. But the ranging pattern of ths herd continued to pass by benedict's woods. I think he went with them. Some instinct thing had led him on.
He had started a ranging pattern before his exit...as deer do...and would litteraly circle the farm house on the field sides. I'd see the one young deer track crossing the dirt entrance road. I hadn't phiscaly seen him though in a while. His range past the house was apparently done clandestinely.
But one night dog was freaking out. She has a nose and that works good. Windows were open in my room, see? So I woke and peeked out the back door. Right there was ths lone deer. 15,20 yards away. Head erect. Staring directly at me...at my silohuet in the door anyway. Neither of us moved. Deer didn't run....I didn't run. It was Benedict.
We just looked. I felt like he was saying..."Well??". So I tired of our commuication, closed the door, his head went back down to graze I saw through the glass, and I went back and soothed the freaked out kennel bound deaf beagle as best I could.
And that.....is Benedict's story.
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