I am an old woman getting ready to die. All I have left are my memories of my life with Gary and our blues club called The Lady Blue. I look at old photographs and think of what was going on at the time. Sometimes, I wish that I had written every thing down in a journal but that is not the case. Still I want to tell my story to you. I found my dream, lived it and then lost it. There was never a time I can remember Gary not being there. He and his wife Carol were my parents best friends and both of our families lived in New Orleans' Garden District. We were always at their house or they were at ours. There were endless parties both at our homes as well as on my father's yacht which he named 'The Lillian' after his mother. I remember the time I got caught being in Gary's arms. It was at a party one night at our house. I had been standing on the front porch thinking about him when I heard the front door open. He approachd me and looked directly at me. 'What are you doing outside, ma cheri'?     'Nothing,' I replied in a near whisper as I felt one of his hands lightly brush my back. 'You looked like you were deep in thought'.     I was just wondering why you won't ask me to dance', I said as he gently caressed my lower back through my silk blouse.     'Babe, I can't dance with you', Gary said, his face just inches from my own. "It just wouldn't look right, ma cheri'.     'It would be nice to know that you would want to though', I said as I reached to touch his chin.   ' You don't know just how bad I want to'!     'Merci, mon cher', I said as he embraced me.     'I've always had a soft spot in my heart for you from the very beginning', Gary said tightening his embrace. It was then we heard the front door open and footsteps on the porch. Gary jumped back releasing me as he did so. 'The party is inside', my pa said looking directly at me. 'What are you doing out here, ma cheri'?   'We were just talking, I lied. Gary brushed past us and went back inside.      'He thinks the world of you, no', he said slipping an arm around my waist. 'Ca c'est bon'!   'What do you mean, pa?   'You know what I mean. I just want to say one more thing and that is don't be coo-yon'.   'Cho co'!   'I saw you with his arms around you'.   'It was only an embrace'. 'Don't let on to your ma. She'd never let you babysit for him again.'   'Pa, nothing happened'.   Lisanne can't figure out why you won't go out on dates but I know'.   'Mais, I can't help myself. I think Gary is wonderful'!     I figured that out by myself', Mike said. 'Just be careful and don't give any man your heart too soon'.

I will never forget the first kiss he ever gave me. It happened one night after I was babysitting Gary, Jr. at their house. Gary drove me home that night kidding me the whole way about my falling asleep. I had dozed off while babysitting at their house. They had both forgotten to take their house keys with them when they went out and even though they banged on the doors and windows they couldn't wake me or get inside the house for a half an hour.     He parked the car along side of one of the lighted lamp posts lining the driveway. There was a long silence during which time I let my eyes move slowly over his well-built body. I fantasized about him taking me in his arms and holding me as he professed his fervent love for me. I loved looking at him and wished that I didn't have to go inside. At the same time, I kept waiting for him to take out his wallet and pay me.      'I'm really sorry for falling asleep,' I said looking directly at his face.      'I was only kidding you, Babe,' he said then added, 'It wouldn't have happened if we hadn't have stayed out so late'. I trembled as our eyes met and he looked at me for longer then I knew he should do. He looked down then let his eyes move up and down my body in a way that really pleased me. My heart began to pound as he slipped one hand around my neck and pulled my face close to his own. I reached up to touch his face just as his lips touched mine. He kissed me very gently then pulled back with an embarrassed look on his face.    'I'm sorry, Babe', he said his voice strained. 'I shouldn't have done that'.  'Oh, no'! I protested.   'Are you getting down, beb'?   'I wanted you to kiss me'.   'I don't know what I was thinking', he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. 'I just lost my head for a minute'.   ' Don't be sorry,' I said as he took out some bills and pressed them into my right hand. I loved kissing you.   I liked it too, Babe', he said reaching in front of me to open the car door on my side. 'That's the problem here, ma cheri'.   'Don't worry, Gary. I won't tell anyone you kissed the babysitter'.   'I knew better than to touch you. You're just a kid Babe McGwire'.     'No, I'm not', I protested as I got out of the car, and turned back towards it. 'I'm eighteen now'! I leaned over and stuck my headthrough the open window.   'Babe, I'm a married man', he said tenderly then added, 'Besides, I'm alot older than you. I don't want to take advantage of you'.   'I know that', I said, smiled then added, 'I still think you're wonderful'.

Gary was sitting at his desk when I entered the office. He rose immediately, moved quickly towards me and took up my left hand holding it between both of his hands.      'I'm thrilled you came tonight!' he said lifting my hand to his lips and gently kissing it.        'Matt said you wanted to see me,' I said softly as I noticed Gary's eyes move shamelessly up and down my body.        'You were brilliant out there tonight,' he said as if in reply.     'You listened to me read?'I asked excitedly.         'I heard every word,' he said slipping his arms around my waist. 'They're beautiful poems, ma cheri!'          'Merci!' I exclaimed, my excitement growing as his eyes met mine.   'You're so beautiful, Babe'!          'Why have you called me in here'?          'Actually, I want to start having a regular open-mike night just for poets and I want you to head it up.'          'Mais!' I said unable to hide my excitement. 'I'd be pleased to do it'. I hugged him then out of gratitude and as I did I felt him press me tightly against his hard well-built body.          tt's settled then,' Gary said slowly releasing me.   'I feel honored that you asked me, mon cher.' I half expected him to say good night then and show me out. Instead, he took a short step backwards and looked at me with both admiration and lust.          'It would be a good opportunity to get some exposure for your work and one way I can have you near me.'          I could see Gary's hands tremble as he moved toward me, cupped my face with his hands and looked me directly in the face. I heard Gary Moore singing 'Still Got The Blues For You' streaming from the radio as he leaned close and lightly brushed his lips across my mouth.         'You have the kind of face a person would kill for,' he said his voice deep and husky.          'Kiss me, Darling', I said feeling hot with anticipation hardly able to believe I was going to get to kiss him once again. I had waited so long for this moment, it seemed almost like a dream. He obliged me, kissing me with an almost unbearable tenderness, then broke the kiss.            'There just isn't a right way to do a wrong thing is there? he said almost sullenly.         'It feels so good to be with you, mon cher,' I replied almost too quickly, then asked, 'How could it be wrong?'          'You've grown up to be a beautiful woman both inside and outside,' he said gently, taking up both of my hands and holding them between his own. 'I don't think you realize just how beautiful you are.'         'I know you're still married and it's wrong to want you but the truth is I love you Gary. I always have. How can it be wrong?'         'A person can't help who they fall in love with,' he replied taking me in his arms then kissing me. I kissed him back just as eagerly as he cupped my breasts and caressed them through the silk blouse I had on.         'You are incredibly sexy,' I said as he broke the kiss.     'You're sexier!' he said with a wide-mouthed grin.