email blog@gelt.us see also http://gelt.net

Andrew Lloyd Gelt, D.M.A. (Ph.D.)

Proof of Global Warming:

Current Military Officer and Enlisted Ranks (June 2006) Makes perfect sense to me: OFFICER: Captain in the Army is equal to Lieutenant in the Navy, and Captain in the Navy is equal to Colonel in the Army. First Lieutenant in the Army is equal to Lieutenant J.G. in the Navy, while a First Lieutenant in the Navy is the facilities manager. Second Lieutenant in the Army is equal to Navy Ensign, which is also a flag, but not of "flag rank" which designates an Admiral or a General. A General is higher than a Lieutenant General which is higher than a Major General (equal to Rear Admiral) even though a Lieutenant in both services is below Major. (See Sergeant Major, below.) Major is equal to Lieutenant Commander which is lower than Commander which is equal to Lieutenant Colonel which is lower than Colonel. Commodore, which is now called Rear Admiral Lower Half, is equal to Brigadeer General, although a senior Captain in the Navy (equal to a Colonel) is sometimes called a Commodore depending on duty assignment. ENLISTED: Sergeant in the Air Force is equal to Corporal in both the Army and Marine Corps, which is below Sergeant in the latter two services. Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps is equal to Private First Class in the Army, while Private First Class in the Marine Corps is equivalent to PV2 (Private Seond Class) in the Army (or Seaman Apprentice in the Navy). Sergeant First Class in the Army is equal to Navy Chief Petty Officer, who is not an officer. Senior Chief Petty Officer is equal to Master Sergeant in both the Army or Marine Corps, which is just below Sergeant Major. Sergeant Major is equal to Chief Master Sergeant in the Air Force and Master Chief Petty Officer in the Navy, which is lower than a Chief Warrant Officer (who technically is lower than a Lieutenant in all four services, remembering that Lieutenant in the Navy is equal to Captain in the Army, while Captain in the Navy is much higher.) Note: A person may enlist in the military and become an officer, which is not an enlisted man, or be a draftee who becomes an enlisted man or an officer who did not enlist. © 2006 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

Artificially Sweetened Booze Packs More Punch (June 2006) Diet cocktails cause spike in blood alcohol levels. LOS ANGELES - Alcoholic drinks mixed with artificial sweeteners get you drunker, new research finds. It took a group of Australian researchers, lots of orange-flavored vodka and a few tipsy volunteers to reach this scientific conclusion. They found that artificial sweeteners found in such popular mixers as Diet Coke and sugar-free Red Bull lead to a high rate of alcohol absorption, resulting in a greater blood alcohol peak and concentration than from drinks made with sugar-based mixers. The reason, Australian investigators told attendees at Digestive Disease Week 2006, is the accelerated emptying of the stomach caused by artificial sweetening agents. Dr. Chris Rayner and colleagues at Royal Adelaide Hospital studied eight healthy male volunteers. On one day, the subjects consumed an orange-flavored vodka drink made from alcohol and a mixer sweetened with sugar containing 478 calories. On the second day, the men drank the same amount of alcohol with a diet mixer containing 225 calories. The researchers measured the rate of stomach emptying using ultrasound technology. Blood samples were also taken at 30-minute intervals for three hours. The stomach had emptied half of its contents in 15.3 minutes after the diet drink and 21.1 minutes with the sugar-sweetened drink. The peak blood alcohol concentration was significantly higher with the diet drink than with the regular drink. The blood alcohol concentration was also higher with the artificial sweetener than with the sugar-sweetened drink. "It was surprising how much of a difference the artificial sweetener made,"¯ Rayner said. "People tend to consume more because of the lower calorie content," he told Reuters Health. "These drinks also tend to be consumed at times other than meal times, when food would slow gastric emptying." The findings have public health significance, Rayner said. He recommends that product labeling include information on the intoxicating qualities of artificially sweetened alcoholic drinks. There could be legal implications for those driving home, as well, he noted. Copyright 2006 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12939190/ © 2006 MSNBC.com

Acid Tongue ? (May 2006) Scientists probe the use of the tongue; Military researchers believe organ could be key to a super warrior Mari Darr~welch / AP PENSACOLA, Fla. - In their quest to create the super warrior of the future, some military researchers aren't focusing on organs like muscles or hearts.  They're looking at tongues. By routing signals from helmet-mounted cameras, sonar and other equipment through the tongue to the brain, they hope to give elite soldiers superhuman senses similar to owls, snakes and fish. Researchers at the Florida Institute for Human and Machine Cognition envision their work giving Army Rangers 360-degree unobstructed vision at night and allowing Navy SEALs to sense sonar in their heads while maintaining normal vision underwater - turning sci-fi into reality. The device, known as "Brain Port," was pioneered more than 30 years ago by Dr. Paul Bach-y-Rita, a University of Wisconsin neuroscientist.  Bach-y-Rita began routing images from a camera through electrodes taped to people's backs and later discovered the tongue was a superior transmitter. A narrow strip of red plastic connects the Brain Port to the tongue where 144 microelectrodes transmit information through nerve fibers to the brain.  Instead of holding and looking at compasses and bulky-hand-held sonar devices, the divers can processes the information through their tongues, said Dr. Anil Raj, the project's lead scientist. In testing, blind people found doorways, noticed people walking in front of them and caught balls.  A version of the device, expected to be commercially marketed soon, has restored balance to those whose vestibular systems in the inner ear were destroyed by antibiotics. Michael Zinszer, a veteran Navy diver and director of Florida State University's Underwater Crime Scene Investigation School, took part in testing using the tongue to transmit an electronic compass and an electronic depth sensor while in a swimming pool. He likened the feeling on his tongue to Pop Rocks candies.  "You are feeling the outline of this image," he said.  "I was in the pool, they were directing me to a very small object and I was able to locate everything very easily." Underwater crime scene investigators might use the device to identify search patterns, signal each other and "see through our tongues, as odd as that sounds," Zinszer said. Raj said the objective for the military is to keep Navy divers' hands and eyes free.  "It will free up their eyes to do what those guys really want to, which is to look for those mines and see shapes that are coming out of the murk." Sonar is the next step.  A lot depends on technological developments to make sonar smaller - hand-held sonar is now about the size of a lunch box. "If they could get it small enough, it could be mounted on a helmet, then they could pan around on their heads and they could feel the sonar on their tongues with good registration to what they are seeing visually," Raj said. The research at the Florida institute, the first to research military uses of sensory augmentation, is funded by the Defense Department.  The exact amount of the expenditure is unavailable. Raj and his research assistants spend hours at the University of West Florida's athletic complex testing the equipment at an indoor pool. Raj does the diving himself. They plan to officially demonstrate the system to Navy and Marine Corps divers in May.  If the military screeners like what they see, it could be put on a "rapid response" to quickly get in the hands of military users within the next three to six months. Work on the infrared-tongue vision for Army Rangers isn't as far along. But Raj said the potential usefulness of the night vision technology is tremendous.  It would allow soldiers to work in the dark without cumbersome night-vision goggles and to "see out the back of their heads," he said. ©Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. © 2006 MSNBC.com

A real "BIG MOTHER!" (May 2006) Big Mother is the concept of pervasive parenting, in which parents use modern geolocation, wireless and video technologies to constantly track the activities of a child. The term is a play on the Orwellian construct of "Big Brother," in which government "Thought Police" monitor a population by using human agents armed with hidden cameras and microphones. The Big Mother phenomenon has seen a sharp spike in recent years as relatively inexpensive wireless digital cameras and GPS devices have become available to parents who are unable to monitor their children in person but are still concerned about their safety. Cell phones are a common way for parents to remain in contact with children throughout the day. Other technologies, like RFID tags, may be embedded in schoolbags or clothing to track the location of children within school or daycare grounds, a practice that has already been implemented in select institutions in California. Some schools provide parents with access to secure Web sites, where they can sign in and watch their child at school or play and keep tabs on what homework has been assigned. Parents can even use debit or charge cards as a relatively low tech tracking device to monitor their child's dietary choices in the school cafeteria or purchases at the local convenience store. In the neighborhood, parents can use security cameras to watch children interacting with other children, enabling correction of deviance from a desired parental norm by cell phone or push-to-talk (PTT) phone. School-age kids are not the only people Big Mother is watching. Anyone who interacts with children is fair game. School bus drivers, for example, can have their busses equipped with GPS-navigation systems to let the parent know where the bus is and how fast the bus is moving. In the home, parents may use stuffed animals or other toys to hide cameras to watch nannies or babysitters. RELATED CONTENT: http://go.techtarget.com/r/236544/235361 The Washington Post: http://go.techtarget.com/r/236545/235361 Salon.com: http://go.techtarget.com/r/236546/235361

$6,000,000 Insects (April 2006) HI-MEMS CYBORG INSECTS The Hybrid Insect Micro-Electro-Mechanical Systems (HI-MEMS) program, also known as the cybug program, is a proposal from the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) to encourage the development of cyborg insects that can be controlled by humans. These insects, called cybugs, could be used for advanced reconnaissance. DARPA's goal is to create a cybug that could be maneuvered to within five feet of a target and transmit back information about its environment. In its proposal, Darpa specifically requests innovative approaches and excludes any research building on current "state of the art." Here are the Agency's stated requirements for researchers: * Demonstrate reliable bio-electromechanical interfaces to insects. * Demonstrate locomotion control using MEMS platforms. * Demonstrate technologies to scavenge power from insects. The current thinking is that a cybug could be successfully created by putting a small bio-electromechanical interface, such as a chip, into a larva. The intent in early implantation is to take advantage of the natural healing mechanisms that occur across developmental stages, theoretically improving the stability and robustness of the cybug system. At least in theory, when the larva goes through metamorphosis and reorganizes its nervous system, it will integrate itself with the circuit in such a way that humans can transmit signals to the chip and control the insect's behavior. Entomologists, for the most part, are skeptical about the program's chances for success. HI-MEMS isn't DARPA's first foray into cyborg development. The Agency announced their cyborg shark project at the 2006 Ocean Sciences Meeting in Honolulu, Hawaii. An earlier cybug project involving wasps failed when the insects flew off to feed and mate. RELATED CONTENT: http://go.techtarget.com/r/224188/235361 Have you been creating cybugs in your home lab? Here's DARPA's solicitation notice: http://go.techtarget.com/r/224189/235361 BBC announces that the 'Pentagon plans cyber-insect army.' http://go.techtarget.com/r/224190/235361 New Scientist Tech explains the cyborg shark project: http://go.techtarget.com/r/224191/235361

No More Telegrams! (February 2006) Recently, Western Union announced that the last telegram had been quietly sent out sometime on the afternoon of January 27, 2006. (Coincidently, the U.S. Post Office announced the end of the longest continuous pony express ride sanctioned by the U.S. Postal Service, the annual Hashknife to Scottsdale run. Both announcements were made on the Internet.) On May 1, 1844, the first official telegraph message was sent. The telegraph [used to create telegrams] was, arguably, one of the two most important technological advances that contributed to U.S. settlement of North America west of the Mississippi River. (The other was the railroad.) A variant of the original Morse code is used by amateur radio operators today, largely for recreation, but occasionally in emergencies when all other modes of communication fail as a result of infrastructure damage... Western Union, a U.S.-based financial and communications service company, was founded in the 1850s to take advantage of the then new technology. Since then, Western Union conveyed telegrams all over the world. However, as the Internet and e-mail have become increasingly prevalent around the globe, the telegram [was] less frequently used and considered more and more anachronistic. In January 2006, Western Union announced -- on the Internet -- that it would no longer be sending telegrams. [Condensed and edited © 2006 Andrew Lloyd Gelt from a Whatis.com email © Whatis.com.]

Mice Created With Human Brain Cells (December 2005) SAN FRANCISCO - Add another creation to the strange scientific menagerie where animal species are being mixed together in ever more exotic combinations. Scientists announced Monday that they had created mice with small amounts of human brain cells in an effort to make realistic models of neurological disorders such as Parkinson's disease. Led by Fred Gage of the Salk Institute in San Diego, the researchers created the mice by injecting about 100,000 human embryonic stem cells per mouse into the brains of 14-day-old rodent embryos. Those mice were each born with about 0.1 percent of human cells in each of their heads, a trace amount that doesn't remotely come close to "humanizing" the rodents. "This illustrate that injecting human stem cells into mouse brains doesn't restructure the brain," Gage said. Still, the work adds to the growing ethical concerns of mixing human and animal cells when it comes to stem cell and cloning research. After all, mice are 97.5 percent genetically identical to humans. "The worry is if you humanize them too much you cross certain boundaries," said David Magnus, director of the Stanford Medical Center for Biomedical Ethics. "But I don't think this research comes even close to that." Researchers are nevertheless beginning to bump up against what bioethicists call the "yuck factor." Three top cloning researchers, for instance, have applied for a patent that contemplates fusing a complete set of human DNA into animal eggs in order to manufacturer human embryonic stem cells. One of the patent applicants, Jose Cibelli, first attempted such an experiment in 1998 when he fused cells from his cheek into cow eggs. "The idea is to hijack the machinery of the egg," said Cibelli, whose current work at Michigan State University does not involve human material because that would violate state law. Researchers argue that co-mingling human and animal tissue is vital to ensuring that experimental drugs and new tissue replacement therapies are safe for people. Others have performed similar experiments with rabbit and chicken eggs while University of California-Irvine researchers have reported making paralyzed rodents walk after injecting them with human nerve cells. Doctors have transplanted pig valves into human hearts for years, and scientists have injected human cells into lab animals for even longer. But the brain poses an additional level of concern because some envision nightmare scenarios in which a human mind might be trapped in an animal head. "Human diseases, such as Parkinson's disease, might be amenable to stem cell therapy, and it is conceivable, although unlikely, that an animal's cognitive abilities could also be affected by such therapy," a report issued in April by the influential National Academies of Science that sought to draw some ethical research boundaries. So the report recommended that such work be allowed, but with strict ethical guidelines established. "Protocols should be reviewed to ensure that they take into account those sorts of possibilities and that they include ethically sensitive plans to manage them if they arise," the report concluded. At the same time, the report did endorse research that co-mingles human and animal tissue as vital to ensuring that experimental drugs and new tissue replacement therapies are safe for people. Gage said the work published Monday in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences is another step in overcoming one of the biggest technical hurdles confronting stem cell researchers: when exactly to inject the cells into patients. The results suggest that human embryonic stem cells, once injected into people, will mature into the cells that surround them. No known human has ever received an injection of embryonic stem cells because so little is known about how those cells will mature once inside the body. For now, Gage said his work is more geared toward understanding disease than to finding a cure. "It's a way for us to begin to tease out the way these diseases develop," Gage said. Human embryonic stem cells are created in the first days after conception and give rise to all the organs and tissues in the human body. Scientists hope they can someday use stem cells to replace diseased tissue. But many social conservatives, including President Bush, oppose the work because embryos are destroyed during research. Stem cell researchers argue that mixing human and animal cells is the only way to advance the field because it's far too risky to experiment on people; so little is known about stem cells. "The experiments have to be done, which does mean human cells into non-human cells," said Dr. Evan Snyder, a stem cell researcher at the Burnham Institute in San Diego. "You don't work out the issues on your child or your grandmother. You want to work this out in an animal first." Snyder is injecting human embryonic stem cells into monkeys and is convinced that there's little danger. "It's true that there is a huge amount of similarity, but the difference are huge," Snyder said. "You will never ever have a little human trapped inside a mouse or monkey's body." _ Gage lab: http://www.salk.edu/faculty/faculty/details.php Stanford ethics center: http://scbe.stanford.edu/research/ Originally at: http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/12/12/D8EF1M2O0.html

Are You An Early Adopter ? (October 2005) An early adopter is a person who embraces new technology before most other people do. Early adopters tend to buy or try out new hardware items and programs, and new versions of existing programs, sooner than most of their peers. According to a theory called Diffusion of Innovations (DoI) formulated by Everett Rogers, early adopters make up 13.5 percent of the population. Early adopters, while eager to explore new options in technology, are not the most daring, and are not especially prone to taking risks. That role, according to Rogers, is played by a small minority of people called innovators. Only one person in 40 is of this type. They are the people most likely to conceive and develop new methodologies and technologies, and who often end up running large IT corporations or founding new ones. Early adopters and innovators have counterparts, known as laggards and Luddites, at the opposite end of the human spectrum. Laggards are slow or reluctant to embrace new technology because of disinterest or financial constraints. Luddites actively fear or loathe new technology, especially those forms they believe threaten existing jobs. from: http://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/0,289893,sid9_gci1127868,00.html?track=NL-34&ad=529163 © Whatis.com Related Content: CIO Magazine describes what it's like to be an early adopter. http://www.cio.com/archive/121504/cio_emerging.html Electronic Data Systems Corporation offers tips on how to identify an early adopter of "the next big thing." http://www.eds.com/sites/cs/blogs/eds_next_big_thing_blog/archive/2005/08/12/8069.aspx Peter de Jager exposes misconceptions about early adopters and provides information about change management and IT management. http://www.technobility.com/docs/article032.htm Roger Clarke offers a primer on the DoI theory. http://www.anu.edu.au/people/Roger.Clarke/SOS/InnDiff.html

"42" (September 2005) The Number 42 & Hitchhiker's Guide In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" [by Douglas Adams], 42 is the number from which all meaning, "the meaning of life, the universe, and everything," could be derived. A BBC radio script based on Adams' book contains the following lines: ( [The ] "Cave man" lays out following sentence in Scrabble stones: "What do you get if you multiply six by nine?") Arthur: Six by nine? Forty-two? You know, I've always felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with the Universe. (Faint and distant voice:) Base thirteen! For the literal-minded and those unfamiliar with terms like "base thirteen," this is a number system in which the number 10 is equivalent to our more familiar decimal 13. A base-13 number 42, therefore, is the same as four 13s plus 2, or decimal 54. So "six by nine" (six times nine) or decimal 54 is, in base 13, 42. For the mystically inclined, 42 in base 13 is the same as 110110 in binary (base 2). This could mean almost anything, and many Adams fans have spent untold hours discovering all of the places where the number "42" pops up. For example, there are many mentions of the number in the Book of Revelation. Others have made a game of finding 42s, such as these: * The angle at which light reflects off of water to create a rainbow is 42 degrees. * Two physical constants in the universe are the speed of light and the diameter of a proton. It takes light 10 to the minus 42nd power seconds to cross the diameter of a proton. * The sum of the ordinal alphabetic positions of the initials for Stan P. Gibilisco (SPG), an oft-published science and technology writer, is equal to 42 (S=19, P=16, G=7). * A barrel holds 42 gallons. (It should be noted that all of these 42s are base 10, not base 13.) RELATED CONTENT: Eliezer S. Yudkowsky has written a "Frequently-Asked Questions about the Meaning of Life" with some thoughtful answers: http://sysopmind.com/tmol-faq/meaningoflife.html The h2g2 Web site is an unconventional guide to life, the universe and everything inspired by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/dontpanic-tour The BBC maintains a Web site dedicated to the Guide: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/ My edit © 2006 Andrew Lloyd Gelt, original post: http://searchsmb.techtarget.com/sDefinition/0,,sid44_gci211501,00.html?track=NL-34&ad=513013

WHERE'S BOURBON STREET? (May 2005) A reflection on a recent trip to New Orleans. by Andrew Gelt [Written pre-Hurricane Katrina, prayers and condolences are offered to the residents of this area, and I apologize for this entry being untimely.] It was a vacation of a lifetime. What could have been more fitting than to have the centerpiece of my vacation, a cruise to Honduras, depart from New Orleans. Being a third generation woodwind player, and a fan of dixieland, I set my sights right for the main street of the "Big Easy." Well, the Crescent City didn't look so good folks. For one thing, it seemed that the bright yet dirty pink paint that was peeling from one of the buildings, was just about the same as it was when I went through there in 1975. I asked El Patron at a stand-up 151 jello-shot bar about it. He said that any changes or improvements had to go through the ever powerful Architectural Board. It appeared to me that it must have been quite some time since they had met to tackle the problem of the sewage smell and rot that permeated the entire "Rue d' Jazz." There had been some changes, though. True, the little black kids were still dancing for money on the street corner sidewalks. But now they wore "gansta' clothes," and their metal taps were super-glued onto $150 Nikes. Looking for the music, I headed towards the renown "Maison Bourbon: Dedicated to the Preservation of Jazz." There was a five piece dixieland group there, trombone lead, which gave a credible, if not a little tired performance. You could tell within their ancient eyes that they had played "The Saints . . ." one time too many. (I know the feeling.) After a few minutes, they were totally drowned out by a large soul band across the street playing the "Electric Slide." That was just about the way the programming went the rest of the visit. There was a lot of "Rollin' on the River" and "Bad Leroy Brown"--and James Brown. Walking in one direction, I saw a myriad of clubs featuring nude dancers of all three sexes. There, I encountered a plaque that dedicated the spot where Jack Teagarden played his last performance. Inside was a good trio, clarinet lead. The amount of time that they took inbetween tunes, however, was about three times longer than the songs themselves. I mused, "Maybe they're giving us time to drink." Soon I came to a large intersection, the corners of which were covered by large white mosaics. Looking down, they read, "Pete Fountaine's." I wailed, "THIS must be it!" But looking up, there were the gay rainbow flags, and the music coming out of the club was certainly not that of Pete's, nor for Pete's sake. The flags extended in that direction as far as one could see into what I imagined was a district with signs that read, "Absolutely No Dixieland." So I asked someone wearing a g-string, "Where's Pete?" He had moved to the top of the Hilton, too many blocks away for me to walk; the directions also being too difficult to comprehend that fortnight. Others said that, "One wrong turn and you would be murdered." I was contented thinking that I probably wouldn't have been able to get in to see him that night anyway. Passing "World Famous Love Acts: Wash the Women of Your Choice," I thought, "Well, that's good!." When it becomes time for me to wash a woman, I certainly want to be the one choosing. Just then, I was excited to see a small 8½" X 11" black & white poster proclaiming, "Al Hirt--Still playing in his seventies!" It was pasted onto the window of a club with big lady painted on the front ("That was no lady . . ."), with seemingly inappropriate Zydaico blaring out. The club belongs to Chris Owens. He/She is the owner and featured performer of one of the "oldest and most popular transvestite shows" on Bourbon Street. Al Hirt only played one 45 minute set, a few days a week. It seems that the recently late "Jumbo" was relegated to merely warming-up for the rather robust trannie. Oh, how the mighty . . . Surely he's turning over . . . Needing a drink after all of that, I stumbled into "Papa Joe's Female Impersonators: Where Boys Will Be Girls." But the only music in there was for the performers to dance bi– . . . That was about it. Realization? I wish the Architectural Board would have handled the music, too. © 2005 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

Frederick Fennell, Dead at 90 (January 2005) It is with extreme sadness and shock that I report the death of my great friend, and conductor of the premiere of my first symphony, Frederick Fennell. Although his passing was on December 7th, 2004, I have just heard this morning, 29 January 2005 . I intended to spend some time with him in Siesta Key, Florida during Christmas (as I had done previously), and wanted to call him to say hello recently, but failed to do it. This is a tremendous milestone in my own life, reminding me of my own mortality. It affects me with the greatest of sorrow, as he was one of my last living mentors. More: http://www.dws.org/ffennell.htm

Synchronicity (January 2005) Synchronicity is a concept developed by psychologist Carl Jung to describe a perceived meaningful coincidence. Jung described synchronicity as an "acausal connecting principle" in which events, both large and small, in the external world might align to the experience of the individual, perhaps mirroring or echoing personal concerns or thoughts. For example, while one of Jung's analysis subjects described a dream about a scarab, a scarab-like beetle flew into the room. Because the scarab is an Egyptian symbol of rebirth, Jung felt that the coincidence was meant to underline the woman's need to escape an over-attachment to rationalism. Most people experience surprising coincidences from time to time. For example, you might encounter a reference to some obscure event in history for the first time and then see several unrelated references to the same event soon afterwards. In his most famous description of synchronicity, Jung told a story about a man named Monsieur Deschamps and plum pudding. Deschamps neighbor, Monsieur de Fortgibu gave him plum pudding. In Paris ten years later, Deschamps orders plum pudding in a restaurant but discovers that the last serving was sold to de Fortgibu, who is unexpectedly in town and at that same restaurant. Years later, Deschamps is once again offered plum pudding at a social gathering. As Deschamps tells the gathering about the earlier coincidences, he is shocked to see de Fortgibu come in the door. Although some scientists see potential evidence of synchronicity in areas of research such as quantum theory, chaos theory, fractal geometry, and string theory, the concept is not testable by any current scientific method. Skeptics, such as Robert Todd Carroll of the Skeptic's Dictionary, argue that the perception of synchronicity is better explained as apophenia, which is the human tendency to seek and perceive connections between unrelated phenomena. [unknown author, my edit]

"Merry Andrew" (January 2005) While watching an old British movie the other night, I heard, "He's a bit of a Merry Andrew!" I couldn't decide if I heard it quite right, so I looked it up on a search engine: http://www.alltheweb.com/search?cat=web&cs=iso88591&q=%22Merry+Andrew%22&rys=0&_sb_lang=pref I haven't read all of the entries yet, but it appears to be only slightly derogatory. It refers to a benevolent person who amuses others with antics; a buffoon or clown. And among other things, there is a district in England called "Merry Andrew" (SG63ED), near Letchworth, Hertsfordshire. It is also a play and a film (1958) starring Danny Kaye. ...and sounds like a happy holiday greeting! If I ever find myself writing fiction involving a nun, I'll call her Sister Mary Andrew! © 2005 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

Neuromarketing (January 2005) Neuromarketing is a field of study using neuroscience technology, such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), to see how people's brains respond to advertising and other brand-related messages. Typically, researchers connect subjects to a functional MRI (fMRI) machine and watch their brain activity throughout an experiment. In one example, neuroscientist Read Montague used a functional MRI to study what he calls the "Pepsi paradox": In a blind taste test, subjects were fairly evenly divided between Pepsi and Coke; however, when the subjects knew what they were drinking, 75% said they preferred Coke. In these tests, Montague saw activity in the prefrontal cortex, indicating higher thought processes. The researcher concluded that the subjects were likely associating the drink with images and branding messages from commercials. In another study, at Daimler-Chrysler, researchers found that the "reward" centers of men's brains were activated by sports cars, similarly to the way those areas respond to alcohol and drugs. Other research, involving United States political campaign messages, found that the brains of Democrats and Republicans responded differently to images of the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. Some anti-marketing activists, such as Gary Ruskin of Commercial Alert, warn that neuromarketing could ultimately be used to manipulate consumers by more effectively playing on their fears or stimulating positive responses. Practitioners argue that such precise manipulation is neither possible nor desirable. BrightHouse, an Atlanta-based consultancy firm, conducts neuromarketing research and delivers seminars on the topic. According to BrightHouse, there is no way for their studies to reliably predict consumer behavior; neuromarketing only seeks to understand "how and why customers develop relationships with products, brands, and the company itself." [anonymous author]

"Stiltsville !" (December 2004) Always feeling sorry for ourselves that we're mere poor musicians, my band member/friends and I often look out onto the crowd to see if we can't find someone less fortunate. Sometimes it could be a maintenance sweeper, or even a "professional" dancer. The other day we spied a lowly but towering stilt walker/juggler. Surely, he was not above us on the scale of misfits. Well, it turns out that this guy, dressed as a 10' high toy soldier, had over 400 jobs this year, and contracts stilt walkers, as well. The kicker was, he has an airplane. And even though it is an old one, and he its mechanic, his job has allowed him to keep and fly it. We'll just have to keep looking! © 2004 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

God's Creatures (November 2004) MISSOURI MUSSEL The creation or evolution of certain living things on this planet has always amazed me. You know, like the long barbed worm which quickly swims up your urine stream when you're peeing in the river, and then permanently lodges itself in your penis? Or like the other parasite in Africa that enters your digestive system after you walk in infected mud -- but only after it penetrates your feet, gets into your blood stream, exits at your throat, and then is swallowed. Well there's a clever crustaceon in Missouri rivers that has figured out a unique way of gestation. It has developed a tongue-like protuberance that exactly mimics a certain fish's favorite worm. Extending it, and wiggling it skillfully, it lures a certain hungry fish. Upon feeling the nibble, the mussel spews out a large white cloud solution, which unavoidably gets into the fish's gills. There, thousands of microscopic shellfish embed themselves, and live off of blood until they are mature enough to drop off. Falling to the river bed, they then begin the cycle all over. © 2004 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

"To the moon, Alice!" (October 2004) SENIOR CITIZENS SHOULD LEAVE EARTH IN SEARCH OF LOWER GRAVITY Entering a restaurant a few months back, it was with much dismay that I was following a very elderly gentlemen walking with a cane. He was quite hunched over and so very slow. I could see that he was straining against the tremendous pull of gravity. I thought that I would never possess such posture and countenance. But more recently however, I all-too-well relate to this feeling. Gravitational attraction equations, which I was taught in High School Physics class, frequently reel through my mind as I am affected by these all-to-real forces. It seems that every day I must learn new ways to fight against this ever increasing resistance. But a great idea has dawned upon me. While there are jokes flourishing regarding the migration of the many retiring citizens to Miami Beach, Boca Raton, and elsewhere in Southern Florida, I have now decided that I will spend my retirement years on the moon -- for its lower gravity. It will be wonderful to feel spry again. And although commercial space travel is still in its infancy, perhaps the financial industry magnates will start examining the possibilities of investing in, and developing retirement communities on the moon. Or, similar to space stations, "retirement settlements" orbiting far above the earth could serve us very well. No matter what the pitfalls, isolation, etc., springing to my feet and easily getting on with my day would seem to be well worth it. © 2004 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

The Sandwich Police (September 2004) By 1984, Orwell's "thought police" were in full swing. I don't know how long after, but the "fashion police" began patrolling the streets, too. Well, I'm a very freedom-loving independent person, and I really think that enough is enough. That was my reaction to a police car that I saw on TV with large lettering on the side, "Sandwich Police." Although I stop well short of some of Elvis' culinary creations, I'll have whatever I want on my sandwiches, no matter what the consequences, thank you. So the thought of a patrol car pulling up while I'm ordering at a food stand, and telling me what I can and cannot have, almost made me boil. I suppose I wasn't paying full attention, though. While reading, being on the internet, and watching the television -- all at the same time -- I sometimes miss a few things. The news story was about the high crime in a small town in Massachusetts named after the Earl of Sandwich. I suppose I would have had the same reaction to the police cars in Intercourse, Pennsylvannia. © 2004 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

And, a running list of sayings, perhaps, at least partially attributable to me... "Sex between two people is a beautiful thing.  You just have to find the right two people to get inbetween!" (1/'06) "If one certain way was always the best way, everybody would be doing it." (On renting versus buying a house, etc., but could be applied to almost anything else. 10/'05) "As far as dominatrices go, I believe I'd rather like to dominate one!" (9/'05) "The music in restaurants is generally on par with the food in concert halls." (8/'05) © 2005, 2006 Andrew Lloyd Gelt

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