THE MOUTH OF MADNESS:September 2007 Edition:The High Cost Of Nightmares!
Well HELL-OOOOOOOOOOO Fellow Fiendz, Freakz & Fanatical Frightsterz!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's yer ol' pal the Ayatollah Bludzolla here, returning from the depths of oblivion to bring you the latest Tour De Scum into the rotten realm of the Mouth of Madness!!! Well, well, well...it has indeed been a long time fiends! I would've been back on the attack sooner, but the fact of the matter is...I am a class-A SLACKER!!! Well, that and I did bump into a few obstacles tryin' to get the last SINstallment ready by...oh...APRIL FRIGGIN' 1ST!!!!! Ya see, I was venturing off the bloodsoaked path a little and I was putting together the ULTIMATE in horror showdown experiences by matching up some of the genre faves in a little "fantasy warfare" if you will. That's right fiends...10 full rounds of pure, raw, unadulterated, bloodbattered combat pitting some of horror's finest against one another (Freddy vs Jason didn't have s#!t on this!!!). I'll not go into too much detail on what exactly the "match-ups" were at this time, because it WILL still see the light of the freshly unearthed grave! It is merely a matter of WHEN, and I'm thinkin' probably just in time for the haunt season! Oh yeah...and did I mention that to top it off, I got a little assistance with the play-by-play on this from none other than "Uncle Charlie" The Janitor and your very own Fearless Leader, RANDY "MACHO MAN" SCHADEL!?! I think you'll dig it freakz, so stay tuned, 'cause it's comin' to a rant column near you REAL soon (hopefully!). In the meantime...let's get down to BIZNESS!!!
It is no doubt that time of year again folks...the time when EVERY haunt in the region is in full preparation mode for the upcoming haunt season (which is right around the corner, thank ya very much!). And what is truly amazing is that even with a couple of potential casualties on the local haunt circuit this year, there has STILL been no shortage of quality horrortainment in and around Cin City! Trouble is, getting any in-depth and explicit information or previews on the aforementioned haunts is kinda like pullin' teeth! Everyone's being mighty secretive these days about what direction they're taking their respective haunts in and consequently, updates and sneak peaks have been few and far between. Hell, even the rumor mill has been inactive in these final summer months! But that's not to say that there has been absolutely NO news. Why, most recently we found out that "FearFest" will from this point on be known as "The Halloween Haunt".....whatever.....(C'mon guys, I KNOW you can do better than THAT! I mean, seriously, WTF?!...Gimme an "L", Gimme an "A", Gimme an "M", Gimme an "E"! That's right, you got it, LAME!!! Don't tell me, ya had to narrow it down from a list that included such gems as "Super Spooky Scare-a-thon", "BooBerry Scary Fair", "House of the Heebeegeebees" and "Spookytown USA"?). And additionally, The ol' Dent Schoolhouse acquired the services of some of Dungeons' faithful following for the '07 Haunt Season. Yet another example (much like the Estates Grue Crue joining up with the Schoolhouse in '06-6-6) of one haunt's loss, becoming another haunt's gain! Nevertheless, the bottom line is we DO know who IS gonna be active this season, and the lineup is pretty impressive! And, to top it off, there's been an increase in GHOULaborative efforts [i.e. Cincy Haunts] which have resulted in MORE GORE in STORE and more bang for yer buck for the legions of Cincinnasty Haunt Fanz! Case in point, this year Frightfans will have the opportunity to partake in the inaugural 2007 Cincyhaunts Bus Tour which allows the participants to visit the Dent Schoolhouse, Mt. Healthy's Haunted Hall, AND Sandyland Acres all in the same evening while...are you ready?...'cause this is the part that most fanz REALLY like to hear...SAVING MUCHO DINERO! (and probably some American money too)! [check out www.cincyhaunts.com for more info on the Bus Tour package deal] I'm sure right about now you're probably thinkin' (then again, maybe not) "hey, this guy is WITH the Dent Schoolhouse...so certainly HE knows what new developments there are, right?" The correct answer? WRONG!!! I've not been all that hands-on during the off-season, so my knowledge of what SPECIFICALLY has been undertaken is, at best, vague. "But surely you know what has become of your own part of the haunt, right?" The correct answer? WRONG!!! And don't call me Shirley! (C'mon, don't act like you didn't see THAT overused reference coming a mile away!!!). While I do know SOME of the details about what was once Clown Alley, all I am at liberty to say is this...it will definitely be a little more "SHOCKING" this time 'round!!! Guess you'll just have ta come on in and see for yourself, fiendz!!!
As I'm sure some (if not all) of you know by now, the faculty from the Dent Schoolhouse perpetrated the Riverfront for the second straight year this past weekend at Riverfest. Although I myself had to withdraw, I have no doubt that it was a SPLAT-tacular time for EVERYONE involved. [Yes, apparently I tend to forget that this carcass that I inhabit is capable of sustaining injury...UNACCEPTABLE!!! Ah well, maybe next year!] Nevertheless, if you are one of those...er, US...that missed out, then stick around because there will most likely be a Riverfest Reprisal in 2008! And keep posted this upcoming season too fiendz, because if '06-6-6 was any indicator there will be MORE fabulous public appearances by the Dent Schoolhouse faculty before it's all said and done! Nevertheless, the Riverfest appearance marks the last MAJOR pit stop en route to the upcoming haunt season! And since this is a landmark year for me, I know that I am STARVING for the opportunity to get back at what I love to do most...bathe the masses in fresh blood and chase them down with either sharpened and/or heavy, blunt objects! Good times to be had by ALL! Oh, and I guess there is no harm letting this little tidbit outta the bag, so here goes...just as I was joined last year by some of the most delightfully diabolical greaze-painted goremeisters around Downtown Clowntown, I shall be again this year! And that includes (but is in NO WAY limited to) Dungeons of Delhi's very own (well, formerly their very own) FATSO THE CLOWN! There...how's THAT for a fistful of raw meat to whet your appetite for horrific, unholy hilarity?! And there's PLENTY MORE where THAT came from, make no mistake about it...but...as I already mentioned, I'm not really at liberty to elaborate right now! I know, I know...it is unfortunate, but as they say in ol' Mexico, "El Tough Shitto Mi Amigos Locos!" Trust me fiendz, drop on in this season and check it out for yourselves...I think you'll be glad ya did!!!
If I may, I would like to digress for a moment and return to a subject that was originally brought up in the last Mouth of Madness. And that is the HORRORHOUND WEEKEND event which took place this past July (6-8) in Indianapolis. Yes, I know, it's already been more than 2 months since that has taken place but, again, I would've reported on it SOONER had I not run into a few SNARES along the way! Well, that, and as I mentioned earlier I've been in off-and-on SLACKER MODE! In any case, for anyone who missed out on this one, it was definitely a HELLUVA show! [Anyone who WAS there already knows, and probably doesn't even need to read this part!] It's nice to see that efforts have been made to finally bring a Horror Con of this caliber close to home! And besides, how many opportunities are there for frightfans to get up-close and personal with some of the genre faves?! The July show featured an impressive lineup (especially considering that this was HORRORHOUND's very 1st attempt at hosting a convention!) which featured: Bill Moseley [Chop Top / Otis Driftwood], Sid Haig [Captain Spaulding...the MAN himself!], Walter Phelan [Dr. Satan!], Tony Todd [The one and only "CANDYMAN"!], Andrew Bryniarski [Leatherface...version 2003], Ari Lehman [Young "Jason Voorhees"], Chris Jericho [Yes, the wrestler...and NO, I have no idea as to why!], Tony Moran [The "unmasked" Michael Myers in the original "HALLOWEEN"], Ken Foree [Dawn of the Dead / The Devil's Rejects], PJ Soles ["Totally!" Lynda from "HALLOWEEN"], Jennifer Lim [Hostel...the infamous "eye" scene!], Tom Savini [the MAN, the MYTH, the LEGEND!], Clayton & Sharon Hill [Zombies from "DAWN OF THE DEAD"], Tommy Lee Wallace [Director of Halloween III / Stephen King's "IT"], Jeff Fahey [Lawnmower Man / Grindhouse], Michael Bailey Smith [the pickaxe wielding "Pluto" in 2006's "THE HILLS HAVE EYES"], Hanna Hall [Rob Zombie's "Halloween"], James Duval [Donnie Darko / ID4: Independence Day] Kevin Spirtas ["FRIDAY THE 13TH VII: THE NEW BLOOD"] and Electra & Elise Avellan [Grindhouse's "Crazy Babysitter Twins"]. Originally, the show was also supposed to feature Michael Biehn [Terminator / Aliens] & Lloyd Kaufman [Director/Creator of "The Toxic Avenger] but they had to bow out due to last minute engagements that were reportedly beyond their control. Now for anyone who had been to a Horror Con prior to HORRORHOUND WEEKEND (or any Con for that matter!), you generally knew what to expect. And for those (such as I) that hadn't, HORRORHOUND was gracious enough to include a HUGE editorial on the "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Horror Conventions. The point that they stressed the most...and probably the point that they couldn't stress enough...was the importance of bringing as much cash-olla as possible ("Line your pockets with green" as they put it). The reason? Well, for those who don't know, just because you buy a pass to get in the door doesn't mean that it is free run to grab as many autographs and photo-ops as possible with no additional cost. Quite the contrary as a matter of fact. Since the "stars" or "celebrities" (or whatever you choose to refer to the guests as) are not technically paid to be there, they essentially make that up by charging for autographs and what-not. Now I know, that sounds pretty rough...and in more than one case, it WAS...but how much you paid really kinda depended on what you wanted signed. Almost every guest had their own 8 X 10 photos that you could pick up at their respective tables and have signed, personalized, or whatever you want. In most cases, these were $20 and you pretty much ALWAYS had the option to have your picture taken with the guest after they signed your photo. There were some exceptions to this, such as Andrew "Leatherface" Bryniarski who charged $25 for his autographed photos and the "Crazy Babysitter Twins" from Grindhouse [I didn't see for certain what they were charging, but I saw a lot of folks rolling their eyes and grumbling as they walked away from the table empty-handed!]. I have heard that at some shows, such as the Fangoria "Weekends of Horror" Conventions, guests will NOT charge you anything if YOU bring something of your own for them to sign. Ah, if only that were true here as well! But, in most cases you were only charged $10 for something of your own to be signed (although this luxury was generally limited to just ONE of your own items for the aforementioned $10!). Again, there were exceptions to this as well, such as Tony Todd [$20...same as the photo], Andrew Bryniarski [$25...gasp!] and Chris Jericho [I'm not sure what his exact charge was, but it was more than friggin' $10!]. The biggest bang for your buck was from the legendary Tom Savini, who would sign literally anything you had with you (regardless of quantity!) and all you had to do was pick up one of the photos at his table which, not surprisingly, was $20. Now I know that some folks are a little apprehensive about attending these kinda shows because they're afraid that they'll find out the hard way that the guest they really wanna meet, is nothing more than a colossal a$$hole! Rest assured, you are not alone...however, more often than not they were laid-back, down-to-earth kinda folks that were extremely approachable and personable. But, then again, there were [go ahead...say it with me!] EXCEPTIONS! Although I never got to meet him, or even locate his table, I am told that there were a few issues with Jeff Fahey which ultimately resulted in his dismissal from the event. Whether he opted to leave or was asked to leave is unknown since the details have never really been released, but HORRORHOUND did say that Mr. Fahey "will not be returning to HORRORHOUND WEEKEND." Andrew Bryniarski, the mammoth actor who reinvented "Leatherface", was a bit of a mystery to me. On one hand, he had a very no-nonsense and aggressive demeanor...and on the other hand, he seemed like he was off in his own little world occasionally bursting out into raucous laughter for no readily apparent reason while signing! [And to think, people say I'M weird!!!] I was also told that the "Crazy Babysitter Twins" were a little less than amicable as well...but I can't say for sure, since I opted not to bother with them (alright...I ran outta money! There, now you have it!!!). On the flipside, many of the guests went out of their way to make sure that the fans had a HELLUVA time! Leading THIS pack of guests would undoubtedly be Michael Bailey Smith, who during a little downtime at the event took the time to chat it up with us about everything from his upcoming endeavors to his first casting call as "Super Freddy" in NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST 5: THE DREAM CHILD. Additionally, James Duval was incredibly polite and seemed genuinely shocked that there were still people out there that recall a little flick he did back in '98 called THE CLOWN AT MIDNIGHT! [Oh, c'mon...how could someone like me EVER miss out on a good clown flick!?] Still, most folks who approached Mr. Duval did so because they remember his portrayal of "Frank the Bunny" in the macabre 2001 thriller DONNIE DARKO. Jennifer Lim, who was incredibly shy and soft-spoken, was probably the only guest in attendance who would allow for a cost-free photo-op. The strangest thing was, when it was all said and done, Tom Savini caught a bad rap from many fans who stated in various messages, blogs, emails, and so on that he was very impolite and unapproachable...and NOTHING could be further from the truth! Yes, he said very little to those who came up to his table (he tended to speak when spoken to) and sure, he barely cracked a smile...but, as everyone who has dealt with him previously said, "that's just Tom being Tom!" Hell, when my first attempt at a photo with him failed (stupid, digital cameras!!!), he insisted that we try again immediately! To make a short story long...it truly was one KICK A$$ show!!! And, not that it's all that surprising to fellow freakz like you, I just HAD to sneak in the opportunity to make a full-costume appearance for a photo-op with none other than Sid "Captain Spaulding" Haig himself! [You can check this pic out at www.myspace.com/bludzotheclown if you ever get incredibly bored!].
So, the first annual HORRORHOUND WEEKEND is in the books...BUT, there's a little post-Halloween excitement already in store for you frightfanz! HORRORHOUND WEEKEND II will be taking place the weekend of November 16-18, at the same Indianapolis Marriott as the July show! They've already got a choice lineup for ya fiendz and it features the following:
John Landis [Legendary Director of "AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON]
Shawnee Smith ["Amanda" from the "SAW" Trilogy]
Gunnar Hansen [The ORIGINAL "Leatherface"!]
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper [WWE Legend / "THEY LIVE"]
David Naughton ["AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON"]
Ken Kirzinger ["Jason" from "FREDDY VS JASON"]
Daeg Faerch ["Young Michael Myers" in Rob Zombie's "HALLOWEEN"]
Tom Towles ["HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER" / "THE DEVIL'S REJECTS"]
Stephen Geoffreys ["Evil Ed" from "FRIGHT NIGHT"]
Howard Sherman ["Bub" from George Romero's "DAY OF THE DEAD"]
Gary Klar ["Steele" from George Romero's "DAY OF THE DEAD"]
Michael Berryman [The original "HILLS HAVE EYES" / "THE DEVIL'S REJECTS"]
Brad Loree ["Michael Myers" from "HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION"]
Christina Lindberg ["THRILLER: THEY CALL HER ONE-EYE"]
Sybil Danning ["THE HOWLING II" / "GRINDHOUSE"]
John Dugan ["Grandpa" from "THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE"]
Nick Mennell [Rob Zombie's "HALLOWEEN"]
Ezra Buzzington ["THE HILLS HAVE EYES" (2006)]
Matt Helms [Eli Roth's "CABIN FEVER"]
Ari Lehman ["Young Jason" Returns! "FRIDAY THE 13TH"]
J. LaRose ["Troy" from "SAW III"]
AND...for those who liked the movie...a cast reunion from "THE WARRIORS" featuring:
Michael Beck, David Harris, Brian Tyler & Deborah Van Valkenburgh!
The first one was great...this one will be great...and not to mention, HORRORHOUND has already laid groundwork for 2 MORE shows in 2008! Hopin' to see you freakz there...it'll be nice to continue that Halloween spirit when the 2007 Haunt Season comes to its inevitable close. For more info, check out www.horrorhoundweekend.com.
You know, with more and more haunts (THANKFULLY!) opening their doors and kickin' off their respective seasons earlier with each passing year, a lotta folks find themselves wondering..."Is there such a thing as starting up TOO early?". Short and simple...the answer is a resounding NOOOOOOOOO!!! C'mon, who WOULDN'T want to start up earlier, huh?! After all, the powers that be seem to have no problem jamming Christmas down our throats at their earliest convenience, so why shouldn't WE be able to get into the Halloween spirit as soon as possible? I can remember back when Nightmare Estates was quasi-functional, hearing time and time again, "hey, how come you guys don't open up in the summer and capitalize on the crowd at The Beach? Seems like you'd be interested in that!" Well yes, were ALWAYS interested...the desire to open up in the summer was never NOT there. But...it was simply a matter of being UNABLE to do it. We tried...and tried...AND TRIED 'til we damn near DIED (again!) to get it runnin' in the summer months, but when you're dealin' with the caliber of individuals that we had to deal with, accomplishing the task of opening for the summer was next to impossible. And you'd have thought that we'd have better luck when were actually located INSIDE of The Beach, right? Nope...not a chance in Hell! But, that's another story...and it's a story that's been glossed over a few too many times! Luckily, not every haunt shares in this type of misfortune! Now does this mean that The Dent Schoolhouse will take this initiative in the next few years? I dunno...too early to tell...but I will tell you this: The desire is there to make it happen, and there doesn't seem to be a whole lotta adversity to overcome to make it happen! And if there's one thing we ALL know about the hauntin' biz, it is that you can never say never!
Unfortunately, The Rage Page will not be included this time 'round as it has been in the past. It's not that there's nothing to violently assault in a vividly vicious tirade or anything, it's just that I've already taken too much time goin' over other stuff. SO, be that as it may, let's move on to a little more of that random absurdity we like to call...MURDEROUS MUSINGS!
MURDEROUS MUSINGS
1. A lot of the up-and-coming haunts, and some of the vets of the local haunt circuit, are shying away from horror movie characters (i.e. Freddy, Jason, etc) more and more these days. The question is, with the reinvention of the "Halloween" franchise and the rumored prequel to "Nightmare on Elm Street", will these haunts be stickin' to their guns or will they be seriously reconsidering this train of thought based on the success of these films?
2. Speaking of the "Halloween" reinvention...so far the general consensus is that Mr. Zombie has done a pretty good job on bringing "The Shape" back to afterlife. Great! Lookin' forward to checking it out! But I issue this challenge to ol' Rob...and I take nothing away from the cast of his two previous films, in fact I think they're KILLER! (pun intended)...but I'd like to see him pull off his next film with an ALL NEW ORIGINAL CAST featuring FEW to NONE of the stars of his last films!
3. I keep seeing messages and hearing questions regarding the revival of Nightmare Estates and for some reason, there seems to be a little confusion on the subject. So, be that as it may, allow me to attempt (perhaps in vain) to finalize the matter as best I can. The Estates has passed away...it is no more...it remains in the memories of all those who witnessed it, and especially those who stalked its winding paths (like me!). I'm sorry to say it fiendz! I really am! And you KNOW I would NEVER lie to you...well...not about THIS anyways! So, much like the bulls**t "Haunted Hospital" we hear about year after year...it does not exist! May it Rest in Peace, but may its legacy live on FOREVER!!!
4. Alright...let's go over this ONE time, and ONE time only! To all of the HACKtors on the local haunt scene who feel obliged to use the lines, "Get out of here!" or "Get out of my [name of respective scene]!" or even "Fresh Meat!"...PLEASE...for the hate of Satan...STOP USING THESE TIRED, LAME, BORING LINES!!! C'mon, everybody knows that the best Goremeister works off of raw impulse, period. And you can't tell me for one second that these crappy, thoughtless lines have so much as an ounce of spontaneity to them!!! This public service announcement has been brought to you by the number "6-6-6".
5. It sounds like the 2nd annual Haunt Gathering this past July was a smashing success, which is great (I wasn't there, so I'm just goin' by what everyone's been sayin')! And it's equally nice that some of the local haunters attend and/or hold other events that are open to HACKtors, Goremeisters and general Frightfanz alike! But you know what I think we need? We need to have some kinda shindig around the Christmas season for ALL the local freakz to attend, 'cause NOTHING breaks up the monotany of the holi-daze like a little cadaverous camaraderie & rotten reminiscence! Any suggestions, freakz?
6. With the political scene preparing for full-blown ELECTION mode, it is definitely time to get the Bludzo for President CamPAIN rollin'! Soon...very soon...I will be letting the nation know where I stand on such delicate subjects as Education, the War on Terror, Capital Punishment, professional athletes holding out for more cash, taxes, the criminal injustice system, motion picture distribution, television award shows and much, MUCH more! The only question right now is...who...juuuust WHO will be my running mate? Stay tuned...
7. I know most of you are either old enough to remember first-hand, or, at the very least have heard of them...but do you remember the good ol' glory days of Nintendo & Atari? You remember how they were responsible for the first games based directly off of horror movies, right? [Atari released "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" & "Halloween" while Nintendo released "Friday the 13th" & "Nightmare on Elm St"...it's true! Look it up!] Why is it that once the video game technology improved they stopped makin' those kinda games?! And no, Resident Evil doesn't count because the movie came out AFTER the game! C'mon...just imagine how disturbingly delectable they'd be on the modern systems!!! I think we're all missin' out if ya ask me!!!
8. I have a creepin' sensation...that with the increase in Horror Convention activity that is relatively close to home these days...and with the increase in Haunt HACKtors, organizers, owners, etc that are ATTENDING these shows...that maybe...just maybe, we are gettin' closer and closer to seein' Horror celebrities past & present pop up as special guests at area haunts! [Of corpse...that "creepin' sensation" could just be indigestion...I'm not sure].
9. I have received a number of messages since the Mouth of Madness launched a little over a year ago, with questions and comments regarding a multitude of issues ranging from the local haunt scene to culinary arts. These have come from emails, MySpace messages, death threats, chain letters, mail bombs and so on, and we will start to respond to these accordingly next time in a sickening segment we will call...no surprise here...ASK BLUDZO!
10. As 2007 marks a decade of decadence & destruction on the Cincinnasty haunt scene for me, I would like to say that I look forward to seeing ALL of you this year! We're gonna see just what kinda DISASTERPIECE we can unleash for all you frightfanz!!! You know what I say...the bloodier, the better!
Well, that'll pretty much do it for now...gotta go about the bizness of gettin' ready for the upcoming haunt season! But, before we go, I'd like to take this time to express just how ECSTATIC that I am...and no doubt that all of you are...that we still have the HOUSE OF DOOM around as or SINsation Station & Demonic Depot! As I'm sure most of you know, the HOUSE almost fell not too long ago due to the meddling of some online twits who have absolutely nothing better to do with their miserable pathetic existences than to SCREW with other folks' sites! Well...thankfully...they were unsuccessful (hmm, must be from Detroit) and for that reason we can look forward to MORE days of GORY here at the ol' H.O.D.!!! So in the meantime kiddies...get ready...'cause the leaves are gonna be fallin', the temperature's gonna be droppin', and the blood...oooooooh the BLOOD...will be a-splatterin' soon enough, 'cause that trainride of terror that is the 2007 HAUNT SEASON is gettin' ready to start! First stop? The Dent Schoolhouse...so DON'T BE LATE TO CLASS!!!!!!!!!!
See ya soon freakz!!!
Til then...
THIS...BLUD'Z...FOR...YOU!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTC
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