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by r a reno hello, those poems were tedious and different like cold coffee with raisins or ham and peanut butter sandwiches. prozacŽ isn't working and the tears fall hard washing salt stained trails into my scorched graying beard. she sleeps through the heat uncovered and breathless 'til the phone shrilled a sonly interruption. the grass and weeds are racing the tulips and the annual cut-your-grass letter. thank you Mr. Postman for the tiny bit of cheer unknown by you, passed on. cheers to you (and you and you...) keep on doing that little thing you do and smile, it becomes you. taxes still unprepared unsealed unstamped unposted. AceŠ4-11-2002 and then you move on by r a reno this draft is it. any editing will come years from now, when memory is softer when the hurt has gone when the woman or the day or the event no longer really matters. life is like this it happens and then you move on. AceŠ2-24-2002 just tears by r a reno 60 seconds from cheer to tears no warning no sad precursors just tears flowing down cheeks horrible sobs filling my chest painfully taking my breath and mirroring what goes on in my head. I want some happiness dammit. my wrongs are past and I've paid the prices to the Law as well as to my self my health worsens it's hard to breathe or think or care about anyone or anything but making the pain go away. I always cared I never knew how to show I always cared... about your youth and pain... about her lost youth and pain and blood... about so many left to carry on alone... (it's so hard to carry on alone) my fogs are gone my emotions bare to the world like a shattered tooth pained by cold wind throbbing for affection or love or even a bit of hope. AceŠ1-16-2002 chemical nightmares by r a reno give me back my brain from the nightly dreams aching with fear and blood and children and lost women and oh hell just leave my brain alone the nightmarish chaos swirling vortex of things that really happened once and the ones that never happened ever people I knew and some that I know but who are these others these laughers these scoffers these clowns I hated some I loved some I hurt some I pleased some more but through it all I found friends and enemies forgettable 'til now somehow and so now they taunt me tainting my sleep fighting to be heard screaming my name in my sleep calling me names holding me tight demanding attention and finally leaving me weak to the dawn of day. AceŠ1-9-2002 |
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by r a reno Playing with my poetry you call it when I get involved. something which costs as much of me as these painful, hopeful, wistful, loving, hating words can never be just a game. I feel the emotions, I hurt once again, I see those long lost loves and feel their kisses, carresses, hugs and rejections each time I write their names. The words call me to recreate those special ways I felt and the turnings and twistings I took to get to be the guy from Kansas I have become. By the way have I mentioned today how much I love you? Though I don't say it often enough I care for you and love you more each day. AceŠ11-18-2001 The Edges of the World by r a reno So, it's true in a way, the world is flat, at least it has an edge. but also it's untrue, there's another surface here, it too seems flat but at a right angle to the one we've always known. my men are fearful of what we've found but i am determined to find what this new place is. I'm sending back this letter in hopes that my son will build more ships and follow my lead to the end of the world and beyond. AceŠ11-14-2001 Scared by r a reno & Anna Marlow I lie here thinking, what is my destiny. Will I ever find the one who will love me dearly. Or is he already here? Will he always love or is it just a dream? Dreams come and go as the darkest hour fades in the night. As it fades I realize I don't know who I am, I get so scared, but the fear won't hold me back from loving the one I love so dear. As the morning hour comes, I realize who I am I'm no longer scared of me. Dreams seem like reality, and I know my love lasts forever. Ace & Anna Marlow Š11-8-2001 sobbing by r a reno you wake to catch me sobbing. big lazy raindrop tears falling saltily in my mustache tasting like an ocean of yesterday's lamentations. you ask why I'm crying and I just don't know why or even just what I should say. I'm sad, depressed, grief-stricken but I can't define a reason. it's nothing you've said or done or will or won't do. I love your sweet kisses I brighten a bit to your voice and teasing ways. dark skies don't mean that I don't love you because I truly do love you. AceŠ11-8-2001 |
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addicted by r a reno the blood from a puncture in her vein runs unchecked down her arm past her elbow and wrist to drip slowly from her curled dirty fingertips into a drying pool of darkening crimson, while her baby cries, she neither cares nor breathes anymore. AceŠ10-22-2001 dreams of younger days by r a reno rip a mask of rivered air from sleep-laden face still half absorbed by dreams of younger days and trip unsteadily to the refrigerator for today's first taste of ice cold caffeine and sugar bubbles. wishing a thousandth time for a cigarette to soothe my nerves I reach out to find them only a memory like the one where I never fell sick with symptoms but no real disease a name could mean a cure. take a dozen medications hardly pronounceable and giving a raging headache in the name of treating my heart and lungs to keep going another day. curse my slow connection until finally electrons trip switches letting me get my email (junk mail and come-ons) finally to a chat room or three and later to the word game which occupies my time if not truly challenging my mind; I'm way too young to feel this old and useless all the time while the television blares unheeded. a voice whispers tiny secret words of of discouragement and suicide wanting only to be able to breathe without this nagging pain. finally day is done so retire to another novel, just any words to tire my eyes and transport me to other's worlds if only for a while forgetting myself to their travails. at last exhausted and weary I enter the void falling into a vortex of troubled fitful sleep and dreams of younger days. AceŠ10-21-2001 by Anna Marlow and r a reno My Dear Uncle Butch his life taken from us April 12, 1989. children, he had none he could have but he is now gone from us. I'll always keep him dear in my heart and soul. never got to know him well I was only a child when he was called Home we'll meet again in Heaven. I will meet my Dear Angel held so dear in my heart. I wish we'd never had to part. How sad it was, one day I won't be so sad I will see his smiling face. I Love You Uncle Butch, Oh how I love you so. don't leave from my heart and from my troubled soul. I miss you so much, So very much Uncle Butch. I will always remember you, You are my shining light. Š9-8-2001 |
MutilatingTulips
mutilating tulips |
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by r a reno Sheets stained yellow with old sex and musty sweat, but so tired we slept there under old quilt tatters. Mattress lumpy springs poked backs and sides but we could gonowhere else and sleep was calling. Roaches & mice fought all night for stale bread & moldy cheese left from our supper. Morning found us stiff and showered by a lime crusted tap giving cold rusty water without soap. We left into bright dawn without much money with hope for a better life beyond the mountains. AceŠ1990 Š Russell Reno |
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mired by r a reno scraping the wax and filth from another weary day near gagging at a stench that simply won't go away something so good has gone a love or a faith yet again maybe I'm wrong to hold on to our dreams for so long smile a sweet smile and kiss me, tell me you'll abide still awhile your touch can uplift me from or withheld I'll drown alone mired in a drift of memory flailing my way to the top stretching my hand for redemption finding empty air beside my empty heart. AceŠ10-23-2000 dearth of sleep by r a reno Define the terms while anhks and crystals, leaves and rain plunge down a plugged drain in your mind. Some crazed poet screams "If I'd only had a gun....." but you dismiss him because his music doesn't make you swing from the rafters. The struggle was too much for him so he settled down and married your only sister for love instead of money something she and you tried but failed to understand. The wipers failed me in the rain or were they tears and a handkerchief sodden with the rage I've held inside from fear of being a misunderstood wielder of words. AceŠ10-18-2000 Reflections of Me by r a reno and Heidi Saunders I wanted to say something about your ordeal, started to speak but the words wouldn't come, Raised my hand to tap your shoulder, it fell to my side without touching. For what could I say you haven't already heard, what your heart already knows. I'm in turmoil over your pain that this one time that really counts my mind is empty even though my heart is full for you. If only you'd shown some emotion, even a tear that showed your humanity. Robots don't cry, they show us only what we want to see. Unmoving, unshakable, with dreams you never share...Deep inside, hidden, from view you keep your pain and sorrow, entrenched in being the strong one..and i continue to look in the mirror unblinking, pretending even to myself. Finally found strength to touch you but you were oblivious to me and the world. Somehow I screamed a monstrous wail, you only stared blankly with no understanding. I cannot seem to listen to that voice within myself that can take away the shame and anger, sorrow and pain. It seems i want to wrap it up and hold onto it, so as i know i have something. But when everything is said and done what will i be looking upon, but a robot that can no longer look at my reflection in the mirror....oh how i wanted to say something. Anything to ease your pain, to reach you deep inside where the reflections of me stare out. Ace & Danna_PA Š9-5-2000 The Trouble With the Bear by r a reno You see. it all started with the bear. There was this bear under the sink, he didn't like it there much, too wet. He seemed to like the basement better. I never did find where he came from or how he got under the sink, but all the trouble started when I found him. Of course my wife didn't like him (nor he ,her.) I couldn't see he was hurting anything there. I asked him how he got there (bears don't talk dummy.) He just licked his lips, sort of smiled and ate the dog food, left from the dog. (The dog died, but that's another story...) Getting the bear from under the sink and down into the basement wasn't easy but finally I managed by borrowing another bag of AlpoŽ from a neighbor. The neighbor didn't believe me about the bear. He insisted that bear was not there. when he found there truly was a bear, then was when the trouble really started. My neighbor called the SPCA the SPCA called the zoo people from the zoo called some cops and maybe they called the FBI. It seems it was a Russian bear, at least that's what they said. How can you tell? Do Russian bears wear stars? He was just a bear to me. I'll never forget the day I found the bear. The Russians wouldn't take him, which was okay, no one could get him out of the basement anyway, he liked it down there. My wife left me, and took the kids , they all think I'm crazy, those fools couldn't decide what to do with the bear. As for me and the bear we don't much care. We like one another and for us that's enough. AceŠ5-21-1990 & 9-4-2000 too tired by r a reno too tired too bored too sick to read your poem or acknowledge you exist or care if you know. shut up go away stop writing these things which make me think of sour bygone days in youth where I cared what bed I slept in. take this rope and this keen razor and this nasty phial combine them in any way you wish to ease your pain and sorrow just don't let me see what you felt about it. sleep heal create a volume of readable lore sell it to the public then you will truly be a critic. awake arise emote gain awareness of life's pleasure and all it's sorrows from love to grief and in between. only then will I permit you to say you know how I feel. AceŠ9-12-2000 Balm? (for Lauren) by r a reno A soothing balm indeed, get thee hence temptress, thy lies are comforting, and calculated to soothe mine soul, for I do knoweth what, my meager Talents be, a turn of phrase, a small bit of remembrance, liberally mixed about with sadness and a mass of sourly wry wit, if these be balm, ye are mightily welcome to them. AceŠ8-27-2000 |
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by r a reno I write my life you know that alive hell it wasn't that so much but the pain you wouldn't kiss away AceŠ1999 Š Russell Reno |
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