(Another) You Might Be a Redneck If...

You might be a redneck if...
                                          
1. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
      

2. You think the stock market has a fence around it.


3. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.


4. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.      


5. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

      
6. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.


7. You've ever used lard in bed.


8. The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.


9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.


10. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.


11. You've totaled every car you've ever owned.     


12. Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.


13. Your car has never had a full tank of gas.


14. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.


15. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.


16. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.


17. Your family tree does not fork.


18. You own a homemade fur coat.


19. Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.     


20. There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.


21. There is a wasp nest in your living room.

22. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.


23. You burn your front yard rather than mow it.


24. Fewer than half of your cars run.


25. The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.


26. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"


27. You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.     
 

28. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.


29. You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

 
30. You go to the family reunion to pick up women.    


31. You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.


32. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"


33. None of your shirts cover your stomach.


34. You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.


35. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.


36. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

        
37. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.


38. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.


39. You use the term `over yonder´ more than once a month.

 
40. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.


41. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
 

42. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.


43. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

   
44. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".


45. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
        

46. You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
   

47. You have flowers planted in a bathroom
appliance in your front yard.


48. Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."


49. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.


50. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.


51. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).



52. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right´


53. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.


54. Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.


55. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.


56. You have a Hefty bag on the passenger
side window of your car.


57. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.



58. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.


59. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".


60. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.


61. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.


62. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.


63. Your house doesn't have curtains, but
your truck does.


64. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.


65. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)


66. The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."


67. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.


68. You have to go down to the creek to
take a bath.


69. You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.


70. It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.


71. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.


72. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.


73. Your screen door has no screen.


74. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.


75. You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.


76. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.


77. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.


78. You celebrate Groundhog Day because
you believe in it.


79. You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."


80. Your `huntin dawg´ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.


81. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.


82. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.


83. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.


84. You participate in the "who can spit
tobacco the farthest contest".


85. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.


86. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.


87. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.


88. Your back porch is bigger than your house.


89. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.


90. Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.


91. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.


92. You have spent more on your pickup
truck than on your education.


93. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.


94. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.


95. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.


96. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.


97. You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.



98. Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"


99. You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.


100. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger
tombstone than your grandfather.


101. You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.


102. An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.


103. Your shirt sleeve doubles as your handkerchief.


104. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.


105. You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.


106. You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.


107. You list your parole officer as a reference.


108. There are more fish on your wall than pictures.


109. You think cur is a breed of dog.


110. There are more dishes in your sink
than in your cabinets.


111. You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.


112. You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.


113. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.


114. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.


115. The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.


116. You don't think Jeff Foxworthy's jokes are funny.

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Source (where the list is longer...):
Aiken's Laughs http://www.aikenslaughs.com/redneck.html
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