SPAM Fun

Stole" this from HI ng ... btw it is _very_ popular in the Islands ... breakfast, lunch and dinner! Locals have what they call "salty mouth" so check out the sodium content!
-
SPAM Ingredients!
-
For all of those faithful Spam eaters!
-
Chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added. Salt (for binding, flavour, and firmness) Water (to help in mixing) Sugar (for flavor) Sodium Nitrite (for color and as a preservative) Nutrition Information For SPAM (original style): Calories Per Serving:170 Calories Per Serving From Fat: 140
Serving Size: 2 oz.
Servings Per Container: 6 (large) or 3.5 (small) Total Fat: 16g Saturated Fat: 6g
Cholesterol: 40mg
Sodium: 750mg
Total Carbohydrates: 0g
Fiber: 0g
Sugars: 0g
Proteins: 7g
Vitamin A: 0%
Vitamin C: 0%
Calcium: 0%
Iron: 2%
.
.
Ode to SPAM
.
Oh SPAM! Oh SPAM! Gourmet delight!
My food by day, my dreams by night.
To carve, to slice, to dice you up -
pureed in a blender and sipped from a cup.
.
What shining deity from Olympus knelt
down to the earth and hog butt smelt?
Creating then man's eternal desire
for swine entrails congealed by fire.
.
On some corporate farm, a pig has died.
Eyes, tongue, and snout end up inside
that cube of SPAM hidden in the can
I now hold in my trembling hand.
.
More than mere food, SPAM is for me
a hedonistic expression of gluttonous glee. Mottled with pork fat, the pink cube engrosses. My mouth takes it in, my intestine disposes.
.
Long have my arteries clogged to the sound of sizzling SPAM when there's no one around - furtively chewing or swallowing whole. Triple bypass by forty, my medical goal.
.
Other processed meat products I've tried or declined Vienna Sausages, Treet, even pig's feet in brine. Though each may be tasty in different ways, none matches SPAM for gelatinous glaze.
.
That glistening pinkness beckons me
with gristle, fat, and BHT.
Oh SPAM, my SPAM - the taste, the smell! The sacred meat product, from Hormel.
.
.
A much needed clarification ..... this lovely bit of po'try was not penned by me. The ccp, besides garbling the lines, did not include the attribution:
.
Gonar, original Tuna Extrordinaire
.
Betcha SkyKing feels bad about picking on spam now, hey? :-)
.
Winosaur
me transmitte sursum, Caledon!
.
.
Spam Merchandise
.
http://www.spamgift.com/store/commerce.cgi
.
http://www.spamgift.com/home/Html/Images/6177.jpg
.
JOKES

Cute Page:

http://www.buffnet.net/~ambrosia/icq/hoaxes.htm
.
Bad News BadTimes
VIRUS ALERT :
.
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
.
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, It screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer.(For God's sake men are you listening?!?!) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
.
**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.**
.
In case you are a blonde, this IS a joke.
.