REBECCA'S FAVORITE JOKES 2

EVERYONE KNOWS THE STORY OF WILLIAM TELL SHOOTING AN APPLE OFF THE HEAD OF HIS SON. THE TELLS' LOVE OF ARCHERY IS LEGENDARY.
LESSER KNOWN IS THE FACT THAT BOTH WILLIAM AND HIS SON WERE AVID BOWLERS.
UNFORTUNATELY, RECORDS
WERE DESTROYED OR MISPLACED, SO THAT WE MAY NEVER KNOW FOR WHOM THE TELLS BOWLED . . . .

"I wonder how deep the ocean would be if it didn't have sponges in it . . . ?" --STEVEN WRIGHT

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," And he produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. It's bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager, and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and reports: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you, and he wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"



So the bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."



Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"
    Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"
    Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."
    Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right. "
    Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?"
    Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."
    And Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?"
    Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
    "But, how do you putt?", asks Woods.
    "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
    Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"
    Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."
    Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."
    Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."
    Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"


   
 Stevie says, "Pick a night!"



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