WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP, and other "dummy" stories from real life
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These things actually happened, folks!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up,"
3. WHAT WAS "PLAN B"?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his OWN bank accounts.
4. HELLO, VIRGINIA!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia, received a one day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week for Certs! Joey Hoefer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher,"
5. HELLO, WEST VIRGINIA!
And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy... not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.
6. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
7. TOO WELL-EDUCATED.
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened,"
8. DID I SAY THAT??
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
9. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
10. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Helllll-oooooooooo!)
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These stories make most of the people you know seem much brighter, don't they? - I said MOST of them,not all of them!
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