|
This is a letter I received from a friend on another forum and a sort of........ multi-faceted response ...........that I e-mailed to my friend. My friend's letter follows: Hello, I had an interesting conversation with my co-worker today and wanted to share with this forum to see if anyone else is experiencing the same feelings (or lack of). We just started talking about how we have been feeling "different" for the past year or so and it was amazing how we were both able to put it into words. It was also amazing to both of us that it seemed we were going through the exact same thing. It seems like the things that used to bring feelings of joy, gratitude, contentment, peace, passion and so on are just not as intense anymore. It is especially noticeable with nature...like gazing at the moon or the stars or a beautiful tree or a lake. It's nice, but it just doesn't bring the lasting good feelings that they used to. It doesn't seem to have as much of an impact. It's also noticeable in the new people I meet or interact with. I don't feel as interested as I used to...like I'm not fully there because I don't care as much. What used to be FUN! and EXCITING! is now just fun and exciting. My co worker and I have been searching and trying to get the spark back and we are both getting a little impatient. We have both (in our own different ways) tried various ways to bring it back through meditation, bodywork, reading books, artwork, music, doing classes and courses, prayer....all the stuff that used to help us heal in the past. I do get feelings of joy and gratitude and peace...and it feels great and I am very thankful for the times I do feel them. But I do miss the intensity and the staying power. Any thoughts or feedback on this would be greatly appreciated. Love, M. Dear M., Your words, "especially noticeable with nature........gazing at the stars", and, all your comments about feelings brought to my mind five different circumstances, repeated throughout my life, again and again, when I have been thinking and feeling beneath the stars. And so, I started writing this. The rest is a series of five hopefully delightful digressions........... Here come the five different scenarios: 1. We are looking at the stars and my partner spreads her arms to the galaxies and asks me, "What do you think of all that?" And I think about my limited vision, not able to see the infinite galaxies beyond galaxies eternally, nor the infinite inner worlds within each atom of my body nor those of the woman holding my hand, and somehow, midway between all the unspeakable outer greatness and the awesome inner infinities, am I, and she. We, each, together, are the center of ALL. As each atom is the center of the ALL. So, with thoughts like these kaleidescoping around in my head, I open my mouth to speak, and am absolutely speechless, struck dumb with wordlessness, and the tears stream down my cheeks, speaking far more eloquently than any poetry I might be inspired to create. These are the moments I live for, when I feel that, with my sobbing and tears, I am at least, pointed, in the "right direction". 2. I am alone, looking at the stars, and am suddenly aware that I am alone and that this moment would be perfect if only there were a special person, a partner, to share this with. And I wonder, "Is there someone like me, somewhere out in the universe, thinking these same profound thoughts, and feeling as deeply as I do?" And I answer ,"Yes, there is, I know there is someone like that, probably more than one someone like that!" And then I ask, "Will I ever meet her?, or one of them?" And for that, I have no answer. I am standing in the moonlight, awed by the heavens, and aware once more, that I am standing alone. And in a grudging attempt to be honest with myself, I finally admit, that I am (at least, a little bit), lonely. 3. I am alone, and awesruck by the stars, filled with a stream of memories of loving and having been loved. Then I recall some of my many "indiscretions", and I smile, and shake my head at myself, and some of my recalled antics. And suddenly, I am aware that I have already lived a rollercoaster of lifetimes! And with all the inumerable ups and downs, I stand "neath the stars and I am greatful. And I hear myself whispering, "Thank-you. Thank-you, very much. Thank-you, very, very, much." 4. I am alone, standing in the starlight, and I am amused. Amused because I have been looking at the galaxy and I relive a fantasy that I have had for many decades. My fantasy was to have an intimate relationship with an alien from another galaxy. (Hopefully, our physical structures would be similar enough to allow for some form of mutual intimacy). I even wrote a story about this in which an alien in male form travelled the universe seeking out other life forms to potentially co-create new species. And then he "met" what he thought was an earthling, and then, he lost her. (She had pre-planned his "losing"her, as an ulltimate kindness, because....... because she was so very, very, very, very, very far beyond him. Really, beyond him.)And she, she took the life that they had created in her, to a far away galaxy. A universe so far away, that it was unkown to the alien that had sired her child. The title of this story (still in my files somewheres) is THE HUNTRESS. In retrospect, looking back now, I can see that I was really fantasizing, and truly looking and yearning for someone so different that just making her acquaintance would be an unearthly, but extremely memorable, inspiring, and moving experience. What a fantasy! Hoping that I could at least meet a little bit of my dream concoction. Guess what happened? Guess what I met? Yup! It really happened. I met an alien. She looks like a woman, she walks like a woman, and she talks like a woman (sometimes). But she is definitely an alien. When I look into her eyes, I see mysteries that make me want to ask out loud, "Who are you?" "What mind-boggling thing, (or things) are existing within those eyes (and the rest of you)! I think these questions. But, I don"t ask them. The fact that I really don"t want to know, is an acceptance, because, all I can grasp, is a glimpse, at the mysteries, in a fellow creature. Looking out of her eyes, at me. Mysteries lightning the skies of my soul. At me. LOOKING AT ME! "My God, why me!" Because I am blessed. And if she is as far beyond me, as I often feel that she is, and if it is true when she says that she is my mirror, then is it possible, that even I, am something far beyond the limited thing that I perceive as myself? Hmmmmmm. She is very, very clever, this mysterious eternal being, that looks like a woman. But, she does also look like a HUNTRESS, walk like a HUNTRESS, and talk like a HUNTRESS. And definitely has the eyes of a HUNTRESS. Tonight, standing alone, under the stars, it is enough for me to know that she exists. And, I am greatful, that I have been the hunted. 5. I am alone. Washed in moonlight. Bathed in a breeze. With eyes closed, I listen to the sounds of wild geese flying, and am so relaxed that I stagger to catch my balance. So I sit down. And listen. And wait. And again the wild geese call, and my head nods forward, slowly, peacefully. It is a honking of geese that I have never heard before. Or rather, it is the honking I have always heard, but tonight, it is calling to me, and something leaps within me, and I am suddenly with them! I am one of them! Their song in my mouth! I am a flying soul! A flying being that is part of a formation of something much, much, much greater than I. Across the face of the moon we go, winging our way in the now of eternity. I have shed my cocoon. And am now feathered into Oneness. (CONTINUE ONLY IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ M's LETTER AGAIN). Hello, I had an interesting conversation with my co-worker today and wanted to share with this forum to see if anyone else is experiencing the same feelings (or lack of). We just started talking about how we have been feeling "different" for the past year or so and it was amazing how we were both able to put it into words. It was also amazing to both of us that it seemed we were going through the exact same thing. It seems like the things that used to bring feelings of joy, gratitude, contentment, peace, passion and so on are just not as intense anymore. It is especially noticeable with nature...like gazing at the moon or the stars or a beautiful tree or a lake. It's nice, but it just doesn't bring the lasting good feelings that they used to. It doesn't seem to have as much of an impact. It's also noticeable in the new people I meet or interact with. I don't feel as interested as I used to...like I'm not fully there because I don't care as much. What used to be FUN! and EXCITING! is now just fun and exciting. My co worker and I have been searching and trying to get the spark back and we are both getting a little impatient. We have both (in our own different ways) tried various ways to bring it back through meditation, bodywork, reading books, artwork, music, doing classes and courses, prayer....all the stuff that used to help us heal in the past. I do get feelings of joy and gratitude and peace...and it feels great and I am very thankful for the times I do feel them. But I do miss the intensity and the staying power. Any thoughts or feedback on this would be greatly appreciated. Love, M |
|
|
| |
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||